Through Blood and Pain
by Nevara Alyss
Summary: What do we gain from choices? Correctly choose and all is well, fail and a lesson is harshly learned. What if that choice destroyed someone you cared for? How do you tell them you are sorry if they don't even remember you?
1. Chapter 1

**Technically this should be AO, but whatever. There's some graphic depictions of violence, sex, and language in certain chapters.**

**Story has F!Hawke/Fenris & F!Hawke/Anders**

**The events of this bleak little gem take place after the third act. If you are sticking along for the ride enjoy what is presented. I only live to serve.**

**BioWare and EA own all the delicious characters and places in the DAU. I just like torturing the characters and putting them in peril.**

* * *

><p>She couldn't see it, but she knew it was there, somewhere off the in the distance- the oncoming storm. Lorelai shivered at the thought. The world was at war and she was the primary catalyst for it all. She could have blamed Anders for being a jackass and doing the unthinkable, but she aided him nonetheless so it all fell on her shoulders in the end<p>

Sebastian had vowed vengeance when she refused to take Anders's life. She wasn't going to make him a martyr for the cause. She also wasn't going to fight against the one thing she knew kept her living. She didn't care whether Sebastian came back with a whole army from Starkhaven to raze the city either. The place was a loss in her mind. She had nothing left to keep her there.

She was beside herself marching towards the Imperium. Her allies agreed that she leaved for her safety along with Anders and quickly joined when they found out they themselves had a price on their heads for aiding and abetting known terrorists. Anders was amused at it. The great and powerful Champion of Kirkwall on the run for deciding to overthrow the Templars. She should have been reveling in the glory. She was a leader- a natural born leader, but that's not what she saw in herself. Even the idea of leaving for Minrathous was a mad attempt to escape the ghosts of her choices and failures.

Aveline had just enough time to tell the stalwart fighters that the guard and Templars were coming for their blood. Lorelai was one for fighting to the end, but her will ebbed without having her rival arguing with her; giving her the strength to continue. She balked and retreated for the only place she knew to go. As damn near emotionally suicidal as the choice was, the only ghost she was looking for was gone from her sight and erased from the existence she'd known.

Carver was off finding his own life and adventures with the Grey Wardens. She made him leave. She had to protect the last piece of her family from the backlash that the Hawke name carried. He stood by her side in the end and she was grateful, but damn it. Memories trickled in of a life of constantly being on the run as an apostate. This was nothing new to her, but she wasn't going to drag her brother down with her. He argued with her about staying by her side. He owed her that much for saving his life and that he didn't want to lose her amongst the bodies as the Chantry fell apart and an impending Exalted March was due to take place.

"Hawke?" Varric said, snapping Lorelai from her thoughts. "You seem out of it today."

Lorelai blinked tiredly and sighed. "I'm sorry." She whispered softly. The group of people at the table stared at her not knowing what she was apologizing for. "I screwed up."

"The long face isn't for you." Isabela purred. Her bosom pressed against the table as she leaned and patted Lorelai's hand in consolation.

She could feel the frustration building up in her and she was about to explode when Anders cleared his throat. She shot him a look of contempt and frowned. She felt sorry for the apostate turned abomination but she was so damn angry about those events from that fateful night she wanted to tear him apart. "No, I have to say this." She looked at everyone, her hazel eyes glimmered as she tried to hold back the tears she'd pent up for months now. She stood up, turning her back from the group and tried to think of the words.

"I dragged you all into this. I fucked up." Her voice wavered little as she started her apologies. "Varric, you've done so much for me and I had no right to make you choose sides in any of this."

"Hawke, it wasn't a big deal." Varric said. He shrugged. He leaned back in his chair and kicked his heavy boots onto the table.

She turned to Isabella who was wrapping her hair around her finger in a spiral curl. "You could have gotten out of town long before any of this and I have to wonder why you didn't."

Isabella looked up at Lorelai and cocked her head in amusement. "Because you saved my ass. I owe you my life."

Merrill sat there meekly. Her eyes never met Lorelai's but she knew her turn was coming. "I took you away from the only family you have ever known."

"Oh, it's not so bad. I asked to go." She looked at Varric who was smiling at her refreshing innocence. "Besides I have a new family with you all now."

Anders stood up and walked up to Lorelai and put his arm around her. "You don't need to do this. You made the right decision."

"The right decision?" Lorelai repeated. Anders nodded. "The right decision." Anders kept nodding with each repetition. She glared at Anders and shoved him away. "Do you have any clue what you did? You didn't just draw lines in the sand. You forced my hand and made me lead a revolution." She screamed. She was losing control of her wits as his words echoed in her head. "What the hell do you know about 'right decisions?'"

"The mages deserved to be free of their tyranny and now they are." Anders shot back. "And I am grateful that I played a hand in it."

"Injustices upon the mages don't give you the right to start a holy war." Lorelai argued. She shook with rage.

"You could stand for it?" Anders asked.

"No." Lorelai took a step back and finally the first few tears slid down her face. "Look at all we've lost in this. We are fugitives on the run and my decisions got us here now. Aveline is forced to deal with the mess we created, Carver is gone and Fen-" The group's eyes fell to the table.

They didn't know. They never heard what befell the broody elf with the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. She reached into the small pouch she had on her hip and pulled out a crumpled and torn piece of parchment. Lorelai sniffled as she unfolded the delicate paper still bearing the seal of a Tevinter magister and slammed it onto the table. One by one they stood and glanced at the document. The ink smeared and dotted with dried tear drops. No one dared touch it for fear that Lorelai would strike them dead. "I did this." She pointed as she quickly unsheathed her dagger and plunged it through the paper and into the table causing the readers to jump back in shock. "Did he deserve that, Anders? Huh?" She turned on the mage her jaw clenched. "A mindwipe. He has no recollection of anything. I did that to him. I led him to that because you thought he wasn't going to aid our cause."

Anders took a step away from the table and shook his head. "It's no different than-"

"Blondie, it's best not to finish that thought." Varric stepped in before Lorelai could say anything.

Lorelai was fuming. She knew exactly what he was going to say. "Don't you fucking dare talk to me about 'right decisions'." She growled through clenched teeth. She turned away and walked out of the dining hall of her small mansion and walked into her room, slamming the door behind her.

She sat down on the edge of her bed and in her solemn confines she cried. Let the tears fall like she had been waiting to do since they made their run from Kirkwall. She knew that there was going to be an argument between her and Anders. It was inevitable, but given the circumstances he was correct. The mages needed to taste the freedom she had tasted since she was born. But was it really freedom? The constant running and hiding. The sacrifices her parents made so that she and her sister were safe from the prying eyes of the Templars.

But the price- it was unacceptable. She loved that damn elf for all the life of her. Even when he broke her heart and took her innocence. She stabbed him in the back. She basically killed him for being who he was and she was the one who's words sent him back to that hell he'd had nightmares about.

She hated herself, hated Anders, the Templars and mages, Danarius and even Fenris for making her feel anything. She tried everything to help him come to terms with everything and he ran regardless with a small apology and her virginity. Then even in the time afterwards while he was still around he would glance at Isabela as if she was more ideal compared to the smaller and more petite Lorelai.

Maybe it was jealousy and vengeance? It didn't matter, oh Maker, it never mattered. She wanted him and even if they did see each other again he would have no idea who she was. Her heart broke and she choked on her tears. The ache in her throat as she held back wailing was hardly a piece of the pain she felt all the way to her soul.

"Lorelai, can I come in?" Anders asked through the door. She sat up straight and wiped her eyes dry trying to hide the fact that she was crying.

"Yeah," she answered. She really didn't want to see anyone, especially Anders, but the bits of humanity and loneliness urged her to give him a chance.

Anders slowly opened the door and poked his head in. His face was full of sorrow and regret about their spat. He stepped through the door and closed the door softly. He walked over to her in careful strides and sat on the bed next to her. He put his strong and weathered hand on her knee and squeezed gently.

"Are you alright?" He asked. He bent down a little ways to look her in the eyes. Her hair fell into her face and she tried her damnedest to avoid his looks.

"I'm fine." She muttered. She placed her hand on his and feigned a smile.

"There's something more going on and you haven't been the same since we got here." Anders stated.

"I know and I apologize." Lorelai sulked. She placed her head on Anders's shoulder and frowned. "You are a dear friend, Anders, and I had no right to attack you like that."

Anders chuckled softly. "You don't need to apologize for anything. You stood by me and that was enough. I owe you my life." He wrapped his arm around her again and chuckled softly. "We aren't talking about me right now; however, we are talking about you." He lifted her chin to face him and his soft features spoke volumes. There was a peace in his eyes. "There's more than just what happened to Fenris that's affecting you. What's got you down, Lorelai?"

"I sold my soul." She said softly.

Anders gave her a puzzled look. "Demon?"

Lorelai shook her head. "Might as well be one." Anders was even more perplexed now than ever. "We're running out of money and I don't know how long we're going to be able to stay here."

"And?" Anders questioned in a monotone voice. "We're in the land of the most powerful mages in Thedas."

"That's the problem." Lorelai grumbled. "It was the only place I could think of where we wouldn't be frowned on or hunted down like wolves."

"So what's the problem?" Anders questioned.

Lorelai pulled away and stood. She paced the floor, her heart full of shame. "I never wanted to turn to this?"

"You're keeping me in suspense for no reason, Lorelai." Anders prodded. He smiled in attempt to get her to smile.

"I'm going into apprenticeship with one of the magisters here in Minrathous." Lorelai blurted out rapidly. Her muscles grew tense at the sheer thought of it and her stomach grew into knots. She felt herself getting hot and faint. Anders noticed it and caught her before she fell. He placed her on the bed and looked down at her.

"It'll be alright." He whispered softly as he leaned down and kissed her on the forehead gently. He swept away her charcoal black bangs and looked into her sad eyes. "You'll be alright."

He picked up the half melted candle flickering and dancing in the dim light and blew it out. Lorelai laid in the consuming dark as Anders went from candle to candle and blew each out. She heard his boots come back to the side of her bed and felt his heavy weight as he sat down beside her. She could hear him breathing heavily and she playfully shoved him with a chuckle.

"Keep those thoughts to yourself." She said.

"What thoughts?" Anders asked sarcastically. He sighed and patted her thigh letting the last tap linger longer than usual. "Get some rest. It looks like you'll need it in the coming days." She felt the weight lift off the mattress and his stride was slow and diligent away from her as he headed back for the door.

A blinding light streamed in as he opened the door. She could only make out his shadowy outline, but it was just enough to see the slight smile on his face. "When do you start? Who are you apprenticing with?"

"Tomorrow night, I'm guessing." She answered as she closed her eyes. "I won't get a message till tonight or first thing tomorrow morning about any of the details."

Anders nodded and stepped through the door and softly closed it behind him.

Alone with her thoughts she shuddered again at the idea of turning into the thing she hated. She had no respect for blood mages and here she was joining their ranks just to protect her family from the rest of the world. She was whoring herself out to a 'great' magister and being on the run wasn't the only reason she came here. She had to find Fenris. She had to apologize for the vindictiveness of her actions. He was as much hers as he was a slave. And if these feelings had her so bound to him, was she a slave to him as well?

"It wasn't meant to be this way." She sniffled softly. "I'm sorry, Fenris. I'm so, so sorry."


	2. Chapter 2

Lorelai stirred in her bed. The fires that burned dimly hours before were nothing more than fading embers now. The room was cold as she looked towards the window in her chamber. The rain was falling hard and the tree that stood off center of the pane violently shook in the wind. She heard a noise outside her door and rose to see what it was.

The heavy wooden door slid open scraping the hard stone tile. The noise repeated harsher and louder this time. She looked down the hall towards the other rooms and saw no one coming to investigate. Someone was rapping at the door violently and with such force she thought whoever was on the other side was going to force the door off of its hinges. She ran over and unlatched the door.

"Carver. What are you doing here?" she asked the man standing on the step shivering and sopping wet. She stepped to the side and hurried her brother in and took him to the study. He plopped into the chair without a word. Lorelai ran from the room and rounded up every blanket she could find to cover her younger brother. She piled logs into the gaping hole of the fireplace and cast a small fire spell illuminating the whole room in an orange glow. "Are you alright? What's going on?" She pressed as she kneeled beside the chair and looked up at him. His black hair clung to his face and he had started to grow the makings of a beard. He looked so much older since she'd seen him last.

He looked down at her with a frown. He shifted slightly in his seat and his hand slid from between the downy comforters she'd heaped on top of him and he exposed a letter. It was bone dry and the seal was unbroken. She looked at it careful and saw the markings of Danarius's emblem cast on the wax. She snatched it violently from his grasp. More violently than she expected to. She shuttered at the thought of communicating with Danarius. What did he want with her?

"There was a messenger outside," Carver stuttered out through chattering teeth. "I told him to go and that I would handle the delivery of the letter." She ran her finger across the stamp and sighed. "Aren't you going to open it?" He asked.

"Huh?" Lorelai asked. She flinched at the question and smiled. "Not right now," she answered walking over to the desk and placing it in a drawer. She looked back at Carver with concern and stood over him again. "The real question is, why are you here and how did you find me?"

Carver chuckled softly as Lorelai took her place in the chair next to him. She leaned into him, her elbows burrowing into her knees. "Business, Sister. You know I can't talk to you about that sort of thing." He coughed violently as cold started to take over him. Lorelai jumped up and ran from the room. She knew exactly what to do to take care of that cough before it became virulent in him. She walked into her makeshift lab and grabbed a small vial of blue liquid and darted back to Carver.

"Here," she said as she presented the liquid to him. "This should take care of that." Carver looked at her in disgust. "Please, Carver. Trust me," she pleaded. She slipped the tiny glass tube into his hand and waited for him to imbibe it. He glanced at it briefly and shivered. He threw his head back and let the bitter liquid slide to the back of his throat. He tried to fight the taste and when he forced himself to swallow he gagged and nearly vomited the medicinal drink back up. Lorelai patted his back and Carver waved her off. Her maternal instincts were destroyed at his action.

"Is everything alright?" Anders asked as he appeared in the doorway, sleepily yawning. He looked at Carver and blinked with shock. "How did you find us?" His tone was dark and hollow as he approached the pair of siblings.

"It's alright," Lorelai interjected. "He came to see me." Carver turned to her; his eyes were blank as if he was in shock of her still coming to his defense. She leaned on the back of the chair and crossed her arms. "He's ill."

Anders walked around and examined Carver briefly. He could sense it in him. He was ill and growing worse with each passing minute. "Did you give him that potion?" He asked as he looked up at Lorelai. She nodded and let the tension that she had come to a stop before sitting in the chair again. "He needs to be in bed for the potion to take full effect." He ordered. Carver shot glances between the two mages and scowled.

"I'm fine." Carver snapped. He stood up and the biting cold returned. His head swam and felt vertigo slowly take over.

"No, Carver," Lorelai purred with concern. She threw Carver's arm over her shoulder and Anders took the other one. "You heard the man, you are going to bed."

Carver groaned in discontent but was too weak to make an argument about his welfare again.

"Where are we going to put him?" Anders asked as they started towards the door of the study.

"We'll put him in my room for now," Lorelai answered. She looked between them and saw Carver's head fall forward. His body became heavy, almost too heavy for her to carry. She smiled at Anders who was snickering at the sight of Carver's unconsciousness. She nudged the door open with her foot and the pair made their way to the side of the bed. It was a concerted effort to pull him on it. "We need to get him out of that armor, or all the healing and potions in all of Thedas aren't going to save him."

She grabbed Carver's greave and unbuckled it. She tossed it to the floor. The metal hitting stone didn't agree with its treatment and made its audible complaint as it clanged to the floor. Her fingers deftly unfastened each buckle and chucked them to the side with little care for their condition. She watched as Anders left the room and returned with the down comforter in hand. He placed it over him as Lorelai piled logs into the fireplace and lit them. She turned back to Carver and saw the droplets of sweat form on his head.

"He'll be alright." Anders tried to assure her as he extended his hand to her. "He just needs his rest." Lorelai frowned and started for the door with Anders. She looked back at her baby brother one last time, heartbroken and alone and closed the door behind her.

"Thank you, Anders," she said. She smiled faintly and started back toward the study and the letter that awaited her.

Anders, of course, followed and saw Lorelai searching her desk. She became frantic and tossed parchment to the floor as she scoured the desk all the way to the back. She pulled the drawer out and dropped it to the floor. Anders watched in amusement at Lorelai's panic from the door he'd so haughtily propped himself up against. Lorelai looked at Anders with cold and accusing eyes. "Where is it?" She snapped. Her voice was dark and threatening.

Anders pulled the smaller folded paper from his belt and sat in the chair. Lorelai followed never taking her eyes off of the apostate. She forcefully held out her hand and glared. "Give it," she ordered. Anders snorted disapprovingly and placed the letter delicately in her hand.

"Is this the message you were waiting for?" he asked as he propped his feet up on the ottoman.

"I don't know." She answered. She examined the stamp again and her blood ran cold. "It's from Danarius." Her voice became so hushed that Anders sat up just enough to hear her shudder.

"Danarius?" he scoffed. "Isn't that Fenris's master?" His question came out in a snide tone. He liked the idea of the elf being handed back to whomever he belonged to; but knew that Lorelai could never forgive herself for her actions.

Lorelai nodded slowly. She broke the seal and a torrent of fear and dread overcame her. Her heart raced and rang in her ears. She tried to calm herself as she looked at the intricately scrawled text. The ink was a deep black that seemed almost fresh in the firelight. Her eyes grew wide as she read and her heart sank like a stone in a placid lake. The ripples were like shockwaves that penetrated her core and shook the very center of her being.

"Well?" Anders asked with more than his usual amount of enthusiasm. She read the words over and over again and they still didn't make sense. "Lorelai?" He said, breaking her concentration. She looked at him and a single tear fell.

"Um." She started clearing her throat to find a way for the verbal thoughts to come through. "It says I'm to meet him at his mansion tomorrow evening." She crumpled the fine paper up in her small hand and sank deeper into the chair. The distant sound of thunder rumbled outside as if it was protesting the idea of going to that place. She closed her eyes and sighed heavily. "Do you know what this means?"

"Fenris?" Anders said, not amused by the dread that Lorelai felt. "You have to let him go, Lorelai. It's just going to hurt you in the end." He warned her as he slid from the chair onto his knees in front of her. His blue eyes met hers and he was sad. Genuinely sad at her predicament.

Yes, Fenris was a jerk. More than a jerk to the plight of the mages, but Lorelai saw past that. Saw some of the goodness that he guarded. Anders took her hand in his and gently pressed his lips to her soft fingers. His hot moist breath felt good to her. The comfort she needed was kneeled right there in front of her, but she would not chance it. She couldn't. They were too close of friends to let the intricacies of physical romanticism destroy what they had already built, destroyed and reestablished.

"I know." She uttered. "Maker, I know." Inside she argued. She couldn't stop. She had to hope that somewhere in Fenris's mind, locked away were the memories of her. She didn't care about the negatives and positives of his former life and what she meant to them, just that they were there.

"I'm sorry." Anders said as he stood up. "I haven't been able to tell you that. And you deserve it. The Fenris thing was a disaster. I should have stayed out of it." He sulked. He looked out the window and sighed. "I have some things to do before everyone gets up." He stated. "I will be back in a little while." He quickly retreated before Lorelai could question him. The answer to her unasked question was the door slamming shut.

* * *

><p>The day was fraught with dread for Lorelai. The subtle glances she got from Varric as she passed weren't ones of disappointment, but of confusion. Merrill was intrigued by her choice in career and wanted to hear all about it, but Lorelai felt like such a hypocrite with the way she'd treated her about blood magic. Merrill could care less. She was glad that they were going to have a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs. She didn't want to go back to Kirkwall; she found this place much more "serene"-an odd word for the stoic and bleak conditions of the Imperium.<p>

She had only recently seen Anders return from whatever destination he'd decided to send himself off to. She didn't ask and he didn't tell. His look when they did see each other was of despair and frustration. When she did approach him to ask what was wrong he frowned and walked to his room locking the door behind him.

Isabela shrugged when she told her; she was too distracted with making eyes at Carver to take notice of the obvious frown that Lorelai harbored.

"Would you stop looking at him like that?" Lorelai snapped in annoyance.

"Oh, am I not paying enough attention to you?" Isabela cooed. She stood and hugged Lorelai. "You do what you have to do. Right or wrong, you'll make it work. Just like the rest of us have to with our decisions." She squeezed her tightly and sighed.

"Profound," Lorelai eked out with a smirk.

"Pardon?" Isabela questioned. Her eyebrow crooked gently at the comment.

"That was profound, even for you, Isabela," Lorelai jabbed playfully as she nodded in agreement and started out of the study.

"I have my moments, you know. I'm not just a pretty face," Isabela laughed loudly at the compliment. "Have you told the others yet? What about that delicious brother of yours?"

Lorelai abruptly stopped. Her shoulders slumped slightly and she turned back to Isabela who was eyeing her suspiciously. "I did and they all seem to have come to the same conclusion as you did." She paused and looked at Carver who was catching up with Varric, "I haven't said anything to Carver about it. How do I tell him that I'm taking on the role of something he's feared that both Bethany and I would resort to?"

"You tell him like you told the rest of us," Isabela said. She placed her hand on her hip in a seductive fashion. "Or I could tell him." Her eyes lit up and she started for the door and Lorelai stepped in her path.

"No, I'll do it," Lorelai muttered. She'd painted herself into a corner and one she couldn't escape from without the messy consequences.

As calmly and gracefully as she could; she walked up to the pair of laughing men. Each one laughing at the reminiscing and mix and match tales they were sharing. "Carver? Can I talk to you for a minute, in private?"

The smile faded from his face as he stood. "What is it?"

"Not here," Lorelai urged as she started towards her bedroom. "I have to tell you something."

Carver followed without a word and marched into the room and placed himself on the foot of her bed.

She didn't know where to begin. All she knew was that time was running out and that she was going to have to leave shortly for her dinner engagement. She stepped behind the dressing screen in the corner and slowly unhooked the clasps of her gown. It slipped from her small frame and fell to the floor. The fabric crumpled around her feet, lifelessly.

"Where's Fenris?" Carver asked. It wasn't the start of the conversation she was looking for, but it was a start. "I thought he'd have been here with you."

Her head fell and she shook. "He's back with his master." She stated coldly. She turned to the black robe with intricately embroidered silvery thread that Danarius's messenger had brought earlier in the day with a message to wear it. The stocking were a gift of the finest silken thread. An heirloom from a distant relative and that the matching set was to be adorned by her.

"His master?" Carver asked. "You gave him back?"

"I did," Lorelai said softly as she sat in the chair and pulled the lacy leggings on. They stuck firmly to her thighs as she stood again, looked at the black lace and groaned. It looked more along the lines of something that Isabela would wear if she was 'role-playing.' "That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about."

She pulled the heavy velvet robe over her head. The smell was exquisite. The hints of fine tea and magic exuded from it and embraced her as she started to fasten the tiny hooks into place. The low cut front hung loosely as she clasped as much of the silvery hardware as she could. She stepped around the screen to show Carver what she was wearing and was expecting his disapproval.

"It's nice," he stated. He stood up and gave Lorelai a hug. It was so out of character for him that Lorelai pushed him away to see if there was a knife in his hand. Carver frowned and took a step back. The corseted top that was untied was atrociously loose. He spun Lorelai around started pulling the fine threads through the eyelets with ease.

"You are okay with this?" Lorelai asked as she rubbed her eyes. She gasped when Carver jerked the final piece of cord and began to tie it.

"Sister, I know," Carver said when he was finished tying the ribbon. "Varric already told me."

Lorelai turned around and sighed. "Varric." Her voice came off with a groan as she smoothed out the fabric gently.

"I don't like it, but I have to let that go." Carver said as he took a step back and examined her again. "I knew a girl in the Wardens that wore something like that."

Lorelai smiled with amusement. "And?" She wanted to know every detail. "What was she like?"

"She was great. Not like you, but she dabbled in the dark things as well," Carver explained.

"That's where you learned to tie people in to these torturous things, I take it?" Lorelai grumbled as the boning dug into her ribs.

"More like I learned how to get her out of it, but yeah." Carver blushed with the statement. He cleared his throat as his face became red with embarrassment.

"Carver, you're grown man now. I could care less about your exploits," Lorelai said as she stood at her vanity. She slid her black slippers onto her feet and wriggled her toes in them. "What I do care about is how you found me and why you are here."

"I came to find you. You are all I have left," Carver snapped as he leaned against the bed in a defensive posture. "The Wardens sent me here with Stroud for work, but when I found out you were here I had to see you."

"Why would the Wardens be in the land of blood magic?" Lorelai said as she looked into the mirror. Her pale complexion was glaringly obvious in the dark gown. She picked up a small tube and placed it to her lips. The dark shade outlined her lips as she bit them gently.

"It's hard to say. We were following a lead on something and now it seems like we've hit a dead end," Carver said as he watched Lorelai apply her make-up and stare at him. "I will be leaving once we've found what we are looking."

"Oh," Lorelai said softly. "Well, I will miss you then." She pulled her soft black tendrils up and clipped her hair back in a jewel encrusted clip. She sighed and sniffled. "You seem to have been doing well for yourself in any case." She stood up and grabbed her cloak from off the hook and started out of the room. Carver followed her and watched as she made her way to the foyer. She looked at Carver with fear. It was the first time he'd ever seen such a lack of confidence that he didn't know what to do or say. "I'll be back in a couple of hours, hopefully. I'll be at the mansion at the top of the hill if you need me."

"Take care of yourself, Sister." Carver said. His face was worried but his posture was one of complete and utter trust for his smaller much demurer older sister.


	3. Chapter 3

Lorelai stood at the heavy wooden double doors. Her hands trembled slightly as she grabbed the metal knocker and swung it a couple of times. The front garden was immaculate and gorgeous. Roses grew in splashes of red and in the far off corners white. The cover from the poor weather was inviting enough as she looked around. The soft splashes of water from a nearby fountain as it babbled softly in the torchlight of orange and read. The sprinkles of rain drenched the bottom hem of her cloak as she stood there.

She heard the soft scuffling of footsteps from inside drawing closer. Lorelai held her breath as she heard the cylinder to the door click and the door opened up. She fell back a little when she saw Fenris standing there. His moss green eyes were blank as he stared at her. The skin tight slave armor covered his lower torso and his thin, bare fingers were exposed as he pulled the door open more for her.

"Mistress Hawke," his gravelly voice droned. "Master Danarius is waiting for you in the dining hall."

Lorelai took a step into the grand hallway and looked around. The surroundings were beautiful. It wasn't as dank and hellish as she always pictured. Beautiful white marble statues dotted the green marble hall while red plush carpets and runners ran from one side to the other. "May I take that from you, Mistress?" Fenris implored as Lorelai pulled the tie to her cloak loose. She handed it to him and his hand sank into the velvety fabric. Her constitution wavered as she saw the wounds that streamed down his back- glaringly red and menacing. She resisted the urge to touch him. To feel his skin against her fingertips.

"Fenris," she airily breathed. He turned back to her. The rapidness at which his eyes diverted from hers killed her. They gazed at each other- his muscles twitched as he sized her up. Hers were remorse and longing, begging for forgiveness.

"Mistress," he muttered finally looking to the floor. He cleared his throat and motioned for her to continue on. Lorelai frowned, her head falling into her hands failing to maintain composure of her emotions.

"Where is he?" Lorelai asked her feelings raw and the vulnerability that she felt herself unleash in an uncontrolled torrent of tears. Fenris turned back to her as his shoulders adjusted the heavy metal collar strapped to his neck.

"I am to take you to him, Mistress Hawke," he answered. His eyes would not meet hers in an act of submission. "He is this way," Fenris said as he started to walk.

Lorelai wiped her eyes dry and followed. She was breaking down on the inside and it was starting to show on the outside. She couldn't take it anymore. She should have fought harder for him. What would he have done then? She ran from him because he terrified her. She wasn't scared of anything and this feeling of adoration and paranoia made her run. He had buried her in emotions that she hated and then ran out on her, leaving her to pick up the pieces by herself.

Her slipper caught the edge of the rug and she stumbled, landing hard on her hands and knees. Fenris turned back to her and started to pull her up. "Are you alright," he asked.

"I am," she said. She was embarrassed. This small woman who had taken down Meredith with nary an ounce of fear, stood so small in her shoes, feeling Fenris look her over and averting his eyes when she looked at him. "Just give me a moment to collect myself."

Fenris nodded and took a step back. Lorelai turned from him unable to think or move anymore. Here he was with her. She would have begged the rest of her life away if he'd only remember for a second. She needed him. Damn the Maker, she had this chance to do something, but she couldn't do it. This is who she was now- empty and fighting for the chance that she knew she was never going to attain.

"Look at me," Fenris ordered, his voice heavy with ire. "You killed me."

Lorelai twirled around in shock. "What did you say?" Her eyes wide and mouth open in shock.

Fenris's eyebrows furrowed and he shook his head. "I said nothing, Mistress."

"Oh," she uttered. She smoothed out the small wrinkles in her dress and sighed.

It wasn't right; not any of this. Everything he'd told her was staring her right in the face. They reached another set of double doors and Fenris pushed them open. "Master, Mistress Hawke has arrived."

The dining hall was full of people, each being catered to by their own slave. Lorelai was disgusted by the scene; it was unbearable torture for her to not say anything about it. She was being watched by so many eyes that she swallowed hard and clasped her hands behind her back. Men in the darkest robes looked her over and shrugged with nary an ounce of amusement. Lorelai looked at Fenris, his eyes fixated ahead, only glancing out of the corner of his eye at her with curiosity.

At the far end of the table, Danarius stood up and joined the pair. He looked her over like a predator and extended his arm for Lorelai to take. Lorelai faked a pleasant smile and took it kindly. He led her around the table and waited for Fenris to pull her chair out for her to sit beside him.

"You are looking quite beautiful this evening, Lorelai Hawke," Danarius said, returning to the head of the table. "Isn't she looking absolutely beautiful, Varania?"

Lorelai looked across the table and saw the small elven woman staring at her. She smiled softly and shook her head in disagreement.

"Now Varania, is that how we treat a guest?" Danarius cooed sarcastically. "You should be happy to have the woman that saved your brother here in our humble abode." He turned back to Lorelai and smiled. "I found it most amusing the other day when I had heard from one of the senators that you were looking to take up apprenticeship up in our fair city."

"I have, Master Danarius." Her voice was strong as she put on even her most submissive tone. "I feel that I can make good use of my talents here."

"You have no slave to assist you, I take it," a man at the far end of the table scoffed. He shook his head in disgust as he held out his glass for his own servant to fill it.

"I do feel out of sorts in Minrathous without one," Lorelai answered without looking at the man. _Fit the role; fit the role_- she told herself, "I just haven't met anyone that has met the requirements that I desire from one." She lifted her eyes slowly towards Fenris to see if her words had left an impression. He didn't do anything. The stoic sentinel remained in his place by Danarius's side.

"So you are looking to have one then," another magister asked to her right. "Danarius has spoken highly of you." He looked at Danarius lifting his glass in honor to the host. "I think you'll fit in just fine amongst the magisters here."

"That's what I'm looking forward to by the end of this evening," Lorelai said. She looked to Danarius who was watching her still.

"Would you like some wine, my dear?" he asked, pointing to her still empty glass in front of her. She eyed the glass and meekly smiled.

"I would love some. Thank you," she said.

"Perfect. The Agreggio Pavali for our honored guest," he told Fenris. The bronze skinned elf bowed at the order and left Danarius's side. Danarius beamed. "I assure you. You will love it."

"I'm sure I will," Lorelai said. She thought back to the time she and Fenris had shared the last bottle in his dilapidated mansion. It was quick acting when it came to its intoxication, but the taste was so perfect that it had to be from the Maker's private collection. Fenris's slurred speech and lax tongue told her that he was running and hiding from the atrocities he'd committed at Danarius's command.

Fenris returned and showed her the bottle. Lorelai nodded and held out her glass. She hated doing it to him, using him to show her cold-hearted nature just to get the approval of the magisters that watched her with prying eyes.

He filled her glass and looked over the soft woman's face. It was evident he knew she was hiding something by the way he examined her. He set the bottle down on the table and resumed his position of statue.

"So why would the Champion of Kirkwall be here seeking an apprenticeship at all?" Danarius asked as he sipped his wine.

"It was a token title," Lorelai said. Her finger circled the rim of the glass causing the crystal to sing. She looked at Danarius. His eyes danced as he examined her. "The Circle has been released and only the Maker knows what is going on in Kirkwall." She sipped her glass of wine and smiled. "Frankly, I'm glad to be out of there. This place has so much to offer me than there."

Danarius laughed loudly and sighed. "You are right. You are just the caliber I've been looking to take under my wing." He looked at Varania with a frown. "Some of us have been lacking in the knowledge as of late of what their place is." Varania looked at Lorelai with hatred in her eyes. She dabbed the corners of her mouth and sighed.

"Master Danarius, are you sure it is wise to let someone who has had prior dealings with Fenris be a part of this fine household?" Varania questioned, never taking her eyes off of Lorelai.

Lorelai looked at Fenris who was looking at her again puzzled by what she had said. "I have had no dealings with this woman, Mistress."

Lorelai's heart nearly stopped at the cold, dismissiveness of his tone. She grabbed the glass of wine and swilled the grapey nectar down quickly. She placed the glass on the table and dabbed her lips gently. "No, we haven't," she snapped. She looked back over the table and squinted in contempt at Varania. "I can play the game too," she hissed.

"Would you like more wine?" Danarius asked, trying to change the subject.

"Yes, please," Lorelai replied. She slid the crystal glass toward Fenris and let her arms cross on the table. Fenris poured the deep red liquid slowly. Placing the bottle back on the table, he looked at Varania and she nodded for him to approach her. "I was surprised when I received your letter, Danarius. Honestly I find it quite an honor that you remembered me at all."

"How could I resist?" He looked her over slowly examining the gentle curves of her neckline and down to the constricting bodice adorned with intricately stitched silver vines. "You were kind enough to return my property with little hesitation. I would say we were on good terms." He pulled Fenris's chain down to him and whispered something in his ear. Danarius looked at Varania who nodded and led Fenris out of the room. Danarius rose to his feet, glass in hand, and lifted. "Fellow magisters, we have with us the former Champion of Kirkwall, she is looking to become a magister amongst the best of us." He looked down at her with a sneer on his face. She looked at the man on her right with a grim look on his face. Instantly she was racked with fear. "So to induct this fine woman into our group, a show of intention is in order."

Lorelai looked at the other magister again and leaned in close to him. "What does he mean show my intentions?"

The magister frowned and looked off into the dimly lit shadows of the dining hall. Lorelai met his glance and saw Fenris, holding the arms of an elven woman in place. His face looked away from her as her jaw dropped. "Do you mean-?" She couldn't believe it. He wanted her to kill this woman whose large eyes were wet with tears. Her face was an open book- terror, obvious terror. The magister nodded and sat up again. She shot a glance at Danarius who was watching her response.

Lorelai sat up straight and drank the last of her wine and cleared her throat. "Thank you, Master Danarius. It is a thoughtful gesture."

"Not at all," Danarius said, waving off the pseudo-pleasantries and equal amount of disgust. "This one was caught stealing from me and the penalty is death. Why waste perfectly good blood in death, when we can start your induction now?" He placed his glass down and looked at the other magisters with delight. The one she had sat next to was shaking his head slowly. Varania had approached his side and looked at Lorelai intrigued by the predicament she'd gotten herself into. "Take her to the garden," Danarius told her sternly. Varania took a step back from Danarius and grabbed the elven woman coldly. She yelped when she struggled. "Delicately," Danarius called. "We don't want her bruised before Mistress Hawke can have her way with her." He turned his attention back to the group and smiled. "If you would all care to join us. Let the festivities begin."

He held his arm out and Lorelai took it without hesitation. She knew that it was eventually going to come to this, but deep down she hated herself to resorting to the seduction of the forbidden arts. What would Fenris think if he was himself? He probably would have killed her for the sheer thought of it.

* * *

><p>The night air was blissful on Lorelai's skin. The torrential downpour had stopped and the night sky opened to a beautiful full moon that cast its white light on the well-manicured lawn. A breeze rushed by, kissing the skin on her bare arms delicately. She shivered as the magical lanterns flickered on at the direction of Varania. The glow of faint yellow opened up the space to its full potential. It was large. Far larger than she had expected. More statues and intricately decorated benches dotted a scrawling path into the farthest reaches before being consumed by the dark.<p>

Danarius released Lorelai's hand from his that he held in an assuring fashion. The magisters stood behind her. Some still sipping their wine; others were more fixated on Lorelai who was standing there feeling very exposed to everyone. He took his side beside Fenris who was donning a very daunting two-handed sword. Varania stepped up from behind her and exposed a large dagger with ornate markings that she noticed was of an Arcanum script along the handle. Lorelai stared at it, perplexed for a moment and took it out of its sheath and looked at Varania questioningly.

She placed her hand on Lorelai's shoulder approvingly and nodded in the direction of the elf that Fenris was forcing to her knees. Lorelai was disgusted by Fenris's involvement in the ritual. She took a step forward, her head woozy with alcohol and nervousness.

"Lords and ladies-" Danarius said as Lorelai took her place behind the elf. Her hands violently shook with fear as the woman looked back at her.

"Eyes to the ground!" Fenris snapped as he drew his sword and pointed it at the weeping woman in front of her. Lorelai jumped with a start and knocked the blade to the side instinctively. She glared at the white haired elf standing off set from her. He shot Lorelai a spiteful glare but she wouldn't look away from him. They were arguing with each other with their looks and were drawing a stalemate in the confrontation. Danarius laughed at the exchange between the former lovers. He knew about them and found the entire scene most amusing.

"That's enough, Fenris," he said. Fenris snapped to sheathing his sword again.

"Please Mistress," the elven lass sobbed.

Lorelai's feelings were crushed at the woman's pleas, but she was unmoving and tried so hard to turn off the overwhelming desire to play the part, but given the situation if she made any attempt to interfere it would be her throat that was going to be slit alongside the cowering female in front of her. Lorelai looked to Danarius for what to do next; he smiled and nodded for her to proceed.

She took a deep breath and felt herself on the verge of emotional collapse when she felt Danarius's rough hand on hers. If she could have frozen this moment, she would have and killed the bastard where he stood. She had killed many times before but never had - nor wanted - the blood of an innocent on her hands. Now here she was quaking in her soft silky slippers - about to murder someone she never met just to join the ranks of the magisters who were now watching her make a fool of herself with her hesitation.

Her eyes grew cold as she grabbed the terrified elf by her short golden locks and readied herself. The trembling woman screamed as Lorelai placed the razor sharp blade to her throat. She closed her eyes and apologized over and over again as she pulled the silvery knife across her 'victim's' throat. Lorelai refused to open her eyes at the scene but heard and felt the woman squirm abruptly and her hot, steamy blood gushing over her fingers. Her hand was coated in it. The breeze blew by again and made the liquid ice cold on her hand. She choked and gagged and grew limp within a moment and the sound of her breathing stopped making the whole blackness behind Lorelai's eyelids all the more horrifying with its deathly silence.

Lorelai opened her eyes and fixated on the woman lying motionless on the ground. Her blood glowed in the light as it leaked on to the grass in front of her. She felt like she'd been punched in the gut as Danarius held his hand out to her. She handed him the dagger without taking her eyes off of the corpse whose eyes stared blankly into the distance; her face contorted into a woman petrified at the prospect of death.

"What have I done?" Lorelai grimaced at the sight and felt Danarius's hand in hers. She looked at him as he rotated her wrist and slashed it. She grew hot with anger and yanked her arm out of his grasp. She looked at the wound and saw her blood dripping to the ground in front of her. She looked at the magister with contempt as the whole world became a centrifuge that she was in the middle of. She felt the dark power consume her- every thought that she had ever conceived, every dream she'd ever bore, her past, present and future flashed in an appalling and overwhelming cacophony of voices and visions. Her head began to throb as everything went red. She shook it off and heard the applause of the magisters around her.

It didn't make her feel any better about what she had done. She hated it, hated herself for sinking down to the level that she had. Danarius's hand came up and the group hushed.

"Welcome," he said placing his hand on her shoulder and squeezing it firmly. He placed the dagger in its sheath-still wet with deep red blood and handed it to her. Lorelai nodded and frowned. She felt like she was going to be sick in an instant. Danarius nodded to one of the slaves and let them approach. The young lithe male looked at the woman hurtful to the murder and grabbed her by the arms and dragged her away.

* * *

><p>It was several hours before the celebration had come to an end. Lorelai sat motionless, numb to what she had done. She stared at the half-empty wine glass and glumly sighed. She felt the dagger at her hip and rubbed the fine stamping on the sheath. She said nothing to anyone as the revelers enjoyed their evening.<p>

Varania couldn't take her eyes off of her. Accusing frowns seemed to just be what she deserved. She was no better than they were and as for Varania_- fuck her too_. That damn hypocrite has no room to talk. How far had she fallen to get in good with Danarius? They were the same: they both sold out the person they cared about for their own ambitions. Blood thicker than water? Ha! Obviously not; that self-righteous bitch.

Lorelai picked up her glass and downed the rest of the wine with a single gulp. She wanted to forget the hours, the debt- that she now owed this woman with the name she never knew. Kill her because she was hungry? A ridiculously horrible punishment for something so mundane. She wiped her mouth, her head swimming and senses disoriented. She stood and looked Danarius with a lopsided smirk. He stood and held his hand out to her.

"Are you leaving?" he asked.

Lorelai nodded drunkenly and took a step away from the table. She bumped into Fenris and nearly fell on to her butt when he caught her. She smiled at him and thanked him for saving her from gravity. He took his hand off of her hip and resumed his position.

"Yes. I must be off. I have had a wonderful time," Lorelai said. She stumbled again and caught herself with the back of the chair.

"Are you sure you are alright?" Danarius asked.

"I'm fine," Lorelai slurred. She staggered for the door slowly. Each footstep she took she metered for stability.

The magister she had spoken with before all the drama was standing there. She smiled with an intoxicated grin.

"Would you like me to walk with you, Mistress Hawke?" he asked, handing her cloak to her.

"I haven't been this drunk since-," she said as she put her cloak on and held the sharply dressed magister's arm. "It doesn't matter."

"The Aggreggio has that effect," he said opening the door for her.

"I know," she said stepping through the threshold. "I've had it before." She looked around the two of them and looked questioningly at the man with bleary eyes. "Where are your slaves?"

"Home," the magister snapped bluntly. He led her along making diligent work of the steps. "There was no need to bring them along."

"Really?" she questioned with a crooked eyebrow. The night air was crisp and clean as they walked onto the cobbled sidewalk. The movement was equally nauseating and sobering. "That seems so unlike your average magister."

"It is," he said. "Not all of us are alike." He stopped under a street lamp and adjusted his collar uncomfortably. "Danarius and the others love to show their status with theirs. It's always been a popularity contest for the ranking magisters here."

"Fenris told me that once," Lorelai slipped. She clasped her hand over her mouth in shock. "Oh Maker!"

"Don't worry about it," the man said patting her hand on his arm. "For several years it's the only thing that Danarius could talk about."

"Danarius is an asshole," Lorelai growled. She grew rigid instantly. She stopped and looked in the direction they had come from. She scowled and continued walking. "All he wants is a replacement for the one that I let get killed."

"He is, but he's powerful," the man insisted. "You will learn much from him; maybe become a magister yourself one day." He ignored her last comment all together but smiled to himself.

"I look forward to it," Lorelai grumbled to herself with a devilish smile. They stopped in front of her small mansion. She looked at the blackened windows and smiled to the man. "Thank you for walking me home."

"It wasn't a problem," he said with a shrug.

She started towards her house and stopped. She turned around and looked at the man that was still standing there. "What is your name?"

"Iudicius," he said blankly.

"Well, thank you, Iudicius," she smiled.

"Have a good night, Mistress Hawke." He nodded. "Sanguis tuorum non potestatum facio inimicus."

She stared at him at a loss. Her eye brow furrowed as she tried to think of what he was saying. Arcanum was new to her and she was slowly picking it up but what he said went way over her head. He noticed her confusion and cleared his throat, "may the blood of your kin never empower your enemy."

Lorelai's eyes grew wide. "Uh, thanks," she said; uncomfortable at the thought of her 'families' blood being used to 'empower' her enemies. Especially someone like Danarius. She thought for a moment and sighed. "Oraeve anted uias tenebris unusquique levare gradum facies." Iudicius chuckled and shook his head. Lorelai blushed sheepishly at her broken and stumbling attempt at Arcanum.

"It's fine," he stated with a grin still heavily apparent on his face. "Good night again, Mistress Hawke."


	4. Chapter 4

_Lorelai spent all day looking for Fenris. Hadriana was dead and who did he point his blame at? Magic. He was filled with hate and utter disdain for it. The way that it tainted everything and destroyed even the simplest things in life. She had tried to calm him but he pulled away refusing to listen to reason. She worried in the ticking seconds that followed that he might turn on her too, but when he rebuffed her attempts to calm him, he stormed off, painting her with the same brush as them._

_She went to his house and found it was empty. The book she had given him opened to an excerpt on the elven fight with the magisters alongside Andraste. A slip of paper in the crease with words scribbled on it caught her attention. She examined it; the broken Common made sense to her. He was trying and she had made an impression on him. She cared so much for his well-being that she had forgotten that given his past all he had was the impression of reliability for himself._

_She returned home, surprised when she saw him sitting there. His eyes focused on the floor mat deep in thought. They didn't talk long and he expressed his regret for her treatment earlier in the day. They didn't get along on some things, but regardless, he thanked her for her help in the end. He pivoted on his heels to leave and she stopped him._

"_Don't go," she begged. Before she could get out her next sentence he had pinned her against the wall by her chest. His anger, ire, desire, lit him like a blue flame. It wasn't how she expected or how she remembered. There was no pain before. Why is there pain now? She gasped and looked down. Her body shook violently as she felt his hand in her- fingers exerting pressure on her heart. She couldn't scream. The pain became exponentially worse when she struggled. "Fenris," she chirped. She looked at him; his green eyes stared at her, indifferent to her pain and distress._

"_How does it feel to have your heart ripped out?" he harshly whispered in her ear._

_Tears slipped down her damask cheeks uncontrollably. She wanted to say something but every time she tried, he squeezed a little tighter. Her head fell forward as she started to lose consciousness. Her eyes flickered at the sight of her blood dripping to the floor and staining the stonework in the foyer. She nodded sullen over the fact of her coming demise and looked back at him. "If this is what you want to do," she murmured to him, feeling blood in the back of her throat erupting into her mouth and down the corners in a small trickle. The salty metallic liquid hid the faint tastes of lyrium, his lyrium. "Then I am ready for your retribution."_

_With these final words escaping her lips exerting all of her strength, she felt it, the crushing of her heart in his armored hand. A suitable death for her given it's exactly what she had done to him. She accepted it in the end. She killed him in the same fashion-with her actions._

* * *

><p>Lorelai shot straight up in bed. The throbbing that started at the base of her skull and wrapped around the front and into her gut awoke her. The broken sunlight streaked across her bed in swatches of yellow and orange. She fidgeted and found she'd fallen asleep in the robe she'd worn the night before. She ran her fingers through her hair and lamented the night before for her unusual thirst for the wine she had downed like water.<p>

She stood up and started unfastening the various pieces of the robe. Her fingers trembled on the last buckle as she struggled to pull it loose from her side. She grunted and fought it. It gave way without warning and the entire dress fell to her ankles.

"Damn it." She murmured harshly as she stepped out of it. She picked it up and then she saw them. Her hands- still stained from the night before. She ran to the basin and poured water into and washed and scrubbed until her hands were raw. She became queasy at the sight of the water turning pink and then it came back to her like a wave crashing on a beach at high tide. "Damn you, Danarius," she scowled.

She grabbed another robe from off of the hook, a black one with a deep red inlay down the center and quickly pulled it over her head and pulled the bodice tight with the cord and cinched it off. She grabbed her components and belt and tied them on. She flopped onto the bed and saw a note on the nightstand. "_Saw you came home late and fell asleep in your robe. Figured you'd need help getting out of it when you woke up and saw to it for you. Anders_." She snorted with amusement to the sentiment. At the bottom of the note in unusually small text were the words- '_I didn't peek so don't think that. Well, maybe a little, but I had my eyes covered for most of it.'_

* * *

><p>Lorelai sat at breakfast unable to stomach the sight of food. She propped her feet up on Anders's chair which was again, devoid of its intended user. She sat there inspecting the blade of dagger she had been given the night before. Her arm hid the blood stains from everyone at the table. It was beautiful, regardless of its intended purpose. A deep black blade with vines carved into it to aid the flow of blood for sacrifices.<p>

"What's that," Carver interrogated as he peered at the knife. "That is sharp."

"It is," Lorelai agreed handing it to him for him to look at.

Isabela rounded the table and looked over Carver's shoulder. Her breasts pressing into his back as she leaned closer in. "OOO, look at that. The vine work is so intricately done to take the place of a…" both of them looked at Lorelai. Her eyes fixed on the table, unable to say anything. "Blood groove."

"Is that blood?" Carver queried, running his finger through the brown stains.

"It is," Lorelai answered quietly. Her eyes glazed over as she looked at them. "It's mine."

"Maker's blood," Carver exclaimed dropping the blood-tainted blade on the table. "What would cause you to do such a thing to yourself?"

"There are many reasons for blood to be on a bodkin such as that," Merrill blurted out. She reached out and grabbed it by the dainty hilt and looked it over. Her eyes lit up with majestic awe when she realized what it was. "A blade like this, for practitioners of blood magic, is employed when they are using the life energy of others to power their own." She smiled at her selfless brilliance and handed it back to Lorelai.

"Are you telling me that isn't just her blood?" Carver shouted in shock.

Lorelai' glanced down at her hands. She wrung them violently, twisting her fingers until they popped. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Carver watching her.

"From what I've picked up from here- that is a sacrificial blade, used only for the blood of others," Merrill answered.

Carver turned in his chair and looked squarely at Lorelai. "Did you sacrifice someone last night?" Lorelai didn't answer. She kept working her fingers till she thought they were going to snap. Carver grabbed both of her small hands and exhaled in distress. He pried her hands apart and noted the small brown-red streaks under her fingernails. "Sister, did you sacrifice someone last night," he repeated slower and with more insistence.

Lorelai trembled as she shamefully nodded her head. Carver dropped her hands and slammed his fist on the table.

Varric whistled astonished to her admission. "I gotta tell ya, Hawke, I wasn't expecting that."

"It's not all that bad," Merrill grumbled. "She's doing what she has to do to survive. You can't judge her for it." Everyone looked at her; even Lorelai. The mousy little elf stood and looked at everyone. "If you all have such a problem with it, I would care to see you all come up with a better way to support us." Her eyes narrowed on Carver. Her lips disappearing as she frowned at him. "This is your sister, our sister, we are holding in contempt for doing what she had to. Fault her if you must for the decision, but don't you judge her for taking care of us."

"Merrill, I wasn't saying anything like that," Carver said in his defense. "I understand she's doing what she's had to since being here." He put his arm around his sister and held her close. "I condoned her choice because I know where we are. She wouldn't be the first or second blood mage I've come across, whether it was when I was with you all, doing work with the Wardens, or seeing it as I made my way into Minrathous."

"Hawke, love, are you alright?" Isabela asked the still silent woman.

"I'm fine. Still in shock of it all but I am fine. Really," she said with a renewed sense of calm. "Thank you Merrill."

"It's nothing," she chimed happily. "I remember a mage telling a certain someone something along those lines awhile back."

"Daisy, I don't think that's something that should be brought up right about now." Varric stated, as he pointed at Lorelai and her hurt filled eyes.

"By the Dread Wolf, I'm so sorry, Hawke," she winced at her comment.

"It's alright," Lorelai said. Her eyes sparkled brightly at the thought of her turbulent encounter with Fenris. "I saw him last night."

Everyone straightened up at her remark. The air was electrically charged.

"How is he?" Isabela asked. "Is he bronzed and rubbed in oil, all glistening?" She closed her eyes, licking her lips at the thought. A soft, guttural moan escaped her throat. Lorelai shook her head in amusement.

"No, no glistening," Lorelai laughed.

"Blast," Isabela sulked.

"Guess you'll need to save that for one of your own stories, Rivaini," Varric prodded with a wink.

"Oh, I will entitle it Blood Brood: A Mage's Tale," she fired back in agreement.

"If you keep that up, Varric here will be out of a job," Carver joked with a heavy laugh.

"Out of a job, don't flatter her too much," Varric warned. "The idea might just make her head pop."

The group burst into laughter as Isabela's face grew red with embarrassment.

"Maker, I hate you all," she muttered.

"What's everyone laughing about," Anders asked with a confused look on his face. He almost appeared out of nowhere staring at the group's ambivalent laughter. The smiles faded as he approached looking them over, his eyes lingering over Lorelai the most before a subtle smirk crossed his face.

"Isabela's story telling," Lorelai said as she tried to stifle an onslaught of uncontrollable laughter.

"Is it as riveting as the one she told about that sailor she nailed to the floor last week?" he asked with a grin.

"He had it coming," Isabela insisted. She leaned back in her chair and tried to remember which one he was referencing.

"I spent two hours fixing the holes in his legs because he didn't smack your ass hard enough," Anders stated.

"That one?" she questioned with a furrowed brow. "He needed to learn how to pound correctly in one form or another."

"Oh, Maker," Lorelai sighed, putting her hands to her face and shaking her head.

Anders took his place by her side and slid a piece of paper in front of her. He picked up the dagger off the table and looked at it. Lorelai looked at the folded document with the seal of Danarius's house embedded in the wax. She opened it and read the note quickly.

"Bind the many, so the few may lead," Anders said softly, reading the inscription on the handle. He turned to Lorelai with an accusing look on his face. "So you finally did it?"

"Yes," Lorelai replied. She took the dagger from him and sheathed it. She reread the note and muttered quietly, "I did it." She crumpled up the note and tossed it to the floor. "And for what it's worth, Anders, I'm not happy about it, and now I have to go." She pushed the chair back and left for the door.

"Go?" Carver questioned. "Right now?"

"Danarius wants to start now," Lorelai snapped. "I'll be back when I'm done."

She slammed the door behind her and scowled. Why couldn't he have been there when Merrill was coming to her defense? Probably for the best, given how he'd responded to just looking at the dagger. He didn't even admire it he just pushed on his new manifesto of 'thou shalt not kill the innocent.'

While she did agree with him, wholeheartedly about spilling the blood of innocents, he was not in her shoes. He would disappear to Maker knows where and do his own thing without even telling anyone about his whereabouts or what he was doing.

_Damn you, Anders._

* * *

><p>It was unusually bright in Minrathous that morning. The humidity was thick and heavy on Lorelai's skin. The sun shone brightly as she stood on the immaculate porch outside Danarius's door. In the daylight the foreboding garden from the night before proved to be a lie. The well-trimmed bushes and trees swayed in the sharp sea salt infused breeze. The door opened up before she had time to knock. She jumped back, rattled by the action.<p>

"Champion," Danarius said with a certain lilt in his voice. "I'm so glad you came." He showed her in and let the door slam shut behind her. She turned abruptly at the sound, her stomach jumping into her throat. "How are you feeling this morning?"

She followed him up a set of long winding stairs to a large study on the second floor. "Heads a little out of sorts, but I'll manage," she said. She looked around the room covered in shelves lined with books of various sizes and of varying topics.

"That is good to hear," he said overjoyed. "Did you enjoy last evening?" He sat in a large chair behind a hand carved desk and leered at her.

"It was eventful," she remarked, making her way to the chair opposite where he was seated. Her eyes still scanned the room for any trap or trigger to end her life.

"That it was," Danarius concurred. He straightened himself and ran his fingers through his greying hair. The door opened up and his eyes lit up. Lorelai turned to see what had given him such a reaction. Varania and Fenris stood there. "Ah, my dear, come in," he said, waving them over. Lorelai heard the shuffling of the velour dress that she wore. Her hair swept up in a chignon. Her friendly smile showed through as she set a tray on the desk carrying a fine porcelain tea set. Lorelai looked back at Fenris who remained at the door, his armor tight and memorable. He held his sword to the floor, stained in purplish red.

Lorelai's eyes became wide with fear as a thin string of red dripped to the floor in front of him. His hand smattered in the bloody mess with little acknowledgement of the spattering he made when he shook his hand off. His eyes caught hers, piercing and vibrant- not near as dead as they were the night before. They pleaded their case to her. She was helpless to do anything about it. Where would she begin?

"Sugar?" Varania offered. Lorelai turned back around and saw the elven woman standing over her, a small bowl in her hand.

"Yes, please," she responded with a smile.

Varania handed her the delicate tea cup and saucer. It was piping hot and smelled of jasmine flowers. Lorelai sipped it, the hot sweet fluid burning her tongue and washing away the nervousness she had as she swallowed. The taste was off to her and she looked into the cup. She put a small tea spoon in the cup and swirled around the aqueous material. She didn't see anything wrong with it and wrote it off as her paranoia getting to her.

"Thank you, Varania, that'll be all," Danarius said sternly. He looked toward Fenris and nodded for him to approach. He stood at Danarius's right side and glanced at Lorelai with his eyes. The magister coughed; drawing Lorelai's attention from Fenris's eyes to his own. "There is something that I thought we should discuss before we move on with things." He rose from his chair and stood over Lorelai. "There is a lesson to be learned from all of this."

"Whatever it is, Danarius, I'm willing to learn it," Lorelai remarked taking another sip of tea and grimacing at the taste of it.

"Good," Danarius snapped. He looked to Fenris with a devilish eye and sneered. "Strip." Lorelai looked at Danarius and then at Fenris, who without hesitation began to disrobe. Lorelai shot out of her seat and was met with Danarius's hand coming down on her.

"The first lesson in becoming a magister is to show no remorse to those that are beneath you." He took her hand and led her to the center of the room. Fenris accompanied them, his eyes downcast as he came to a stop. Danarius forced him to his knees and glared at Lorelai. "Hit him." Lorelai looked at Fenris, his eyes stared at her begging for the humiliation to end. Danarius smacked the elf upside the head hard. He fell to the side and quickly went back to his knees.

"No," she growled. Her eyes were narrow at the abuse she was witnessing. She stood defiantly against Danarius. She wasn't going to take part in the assault. Danarius responded with back handing her across the face. Lorelai flew on to her back and sent a shockwave of pain through her body. She groaned and stood up again, licking the blood from her lips and spitting it on the floor in front of her.

"Hit him," Danarius repeated. He grabbed Fenris by the hair and held his face for Lorelai to see. "If he cared about you so much, why isn't he helping you now? Hit him."

"No," she yelled. She braced herself to be hit again and was greeted with another smack to the other side. She fell on her hip and held back the urge to yelp in pain. "I'm not going to do it." She stood up again and was just as quickly knocked to the floor again.

"Don't talk back to me," Danarius bellowed. He threw Fenris's head forward and ordered him to pick her up.

Lorelai started to get up under her own power and shook her head 'no' when Fenris tried to help her. He sat back on his haunches and watched her rise. She looked down at him and he was nervous, visibly so at the pain she was going through. She smiled at him, trying to reassure him that everything was alright. He didn't believe her; his eyes darted to the floor and Lorelai looked back with just enough time to dodge Danarius' next swing.

"I'm not going to hit him," she yelled. "You'll have to kill me first."

Time crept by slowly as Lorelai took her beating; each time she was knocked down she stood back up and argued. She wasn't going to beat someone who did nothing wrong to her. Danarius told her that it was beside the point and that this was a lesson in submission for both of them. That wasn't an excuse that she was going to settle for.

Fenris watched as the pair argued about him. He didn't understand why this woman, this mage was defending him. Danarius turned his attention to Fenris and seized him up by his snowy hair and pulled him close. Fenris remained stoic-never showing a modicum of pain- even when Danarius exposed a dagger from within his robes and held it to the elf's throat. Lorelai squared off against him, but refused to move.

"He would be easier to kill than you," Danarius glared. Lorelai panted, wounded and without a thought of what to do next.

"You wouldn't though," she said, looking the man in the eye. "You put too much time and effort into making him what he is." She slowly paced back and forth, the slight limp made all too apparent when she pivoted and went in the opposite direction. "You sent countless hunters after him and used his sister as bait to get him where you wanted."

"You make it sound like I was helpless," he snickered. He readjusted his grip, pressing the edge of the blade firmer into Fenris' jugular.

"I think you were a bitch," she stated, folding her arms in front of her. "Couldn't get him with your own power so you sent others to do your dirty work." She glanced at Fenris and snorted. "It doesn't make a difference now- the person I knew before is dead." She took a step towards Fenris and stopped when he heard the stifled breath escape him. A small drop of blood oozed from under the blade, perched precariously on the contours of his neck.

"You gave him back," Danarius snapped. "Why?"

"I made a mistake," Lorelai muttered. Her eyes filled with tears as she saw the confusion in Fenris's eyes. "He'd never forgive me, I get that." She stood straight up, shoulders back and smiled. "Your problem is with me because I did what all those assholes couldn't do- I brought him back." She grabbed Danarius's arm and wrenched the knife away from Fenris' neck. Her blood rushed through her; staring and unrelenting she grabbed Danarius by the throat and threw him to the floor. "That not only makes you a scared bitch, but a useless fucking individual."

She smelled ozone; crackling and popping was a sure sign of a spell being cast. She shoved Fenris to the floor and took the full brunt of the magister's attack. It hit her like a ton of bricks and she fell to her knees. Winded and slowly suffocating, she looked at Danarius and then at Fenris. She shook her head and stood again.

"You son of a bitch, I should have let him kill you," she snarled. Her vision was blurry and her head was heavy with exhaustion. Every muscle in her body ached from the multiple impacts. Her jaw hung loosely in its socket and she knew that it had to be dislocated. Danarius grabbed her by the hair and threw her to the ground. She sprawled on to her stomach; gasping as the wind was forced out of her by the impact. She didn't know how long she was going to last or if Danarius was really willing to go out of his way to kill her. She glanced at Fenris who was still watching her curiously. She snaked her fingers to his hand, intertwining them in his.

Her head hit the floor with a thud, unable to move anymore. White dots filled her line of sight. Her pupils dilated and her breathing became shallow. She tasted the blood in her mouth, coating her tongue and lingering in her saliva. Her eyes started to tear from pain, exhaustion and the faint gleam in Fenris's eye. He looked her over and became enraged at the sight of her. His thumb delicately rubbed her finger reassuringly. He knew what she was going through and he wished he could make it stop for her.

This woman, this stranger whose eyes sparkled at the sight of him. He wished he'd known her. She would have been a better Mistress than Danarius. She made him feel things. Peculiar and strange things that afflicted him harshly, worse than anything that his master could ever do anything with her quick nervous glances and the desperation at which she fought Danarius with.

"It's alright," she said in a hushed tone. She grimaced and clenched her eyes shut trying to fight the urge to scream in agony. Her blood boiled, making her skin hot and damp with sweat. The pain was excruciating. She screamed out writhing on the floor. Her slippers slid from the lack of traction on the fine carpet.

"Now are you going to listen to me?" she heard Danarius call from above her. She convulsed more and shook her head in defiance. The intensity grew and she felt the small capillaries in her hands burst. The stinging sensation radiated up her arm like a wildfire. She clenched her jaw and the tears silently fell from the corners of her eyes. She looked at Fenris- his eyes told her that he was lamenting the thought of her dying in front of him, helpless to avoid it and sorrowful to her plight. He didn't know how long she was going to last under the torture. He looked at Danarius, becoming rigid in defense of her.

"No, Fenris," Lorelai insisted with a groan. "It's okay. It's okay." Each word that pushed through her lips became quieter until there was no sound emitted. He sat there, standing vigil over her. She slipped in and out of consciousness. Danarius's voice became muffled and droning. It was foreign and harsh, the tongue of the Imperium, Arcanum, for which she only knew a little of. She couldn't tell to whom the words were being spoken. She tried to investigate where Danarius was. Her eyes couldn't focus on anything for too long. She scanned the ceiling, the delicately carved wood paneling that stretched across its span, bypassing the crystal and brass chandelier that hung above her.

Every time her eyes passed over the hanging web of light, star bursts of light broke her already damaged eyesight. Much to her own chagrin, she hadn't thought about it before. That heavy metal object crashing down on the pair of them, even if she died in the process she was going to take Danarius down with her. Fenris would be free of him and she would have considered her debt repaid with both of their blood.

Danarius looked down at Lorelai again. His lips moved but there was no sound. She mustered as much energy she could and muttered her incantation, choking on the blood that pooled at the back of her throat. Danarius gave her a sickening smile and asserted his power on her again. The room went black. The sudden crackle of electricity filled the dimming recesses of her ears. A heavy boot on her wrist mattered little to her now. She had failed to do what she had planned to from the very beginning…

* * *

><p>Lorelai felt cool, moist fabric on her face.<p>

"Mother," she moaned. Her bleary eyes opened to someone staring at her. "No, you're not, Mother," she groaned from the pain that shot through her body with every subtle movement she made.

"It's alright." Varania's cerulean eyes looked down at her with concern. She dabbed the cloth in a foul smelling solution and patted Lorelai's face-paying close attention to the corners of her eyes and mouth. "You've been out for hours now."

Lorelai shot up and tried to stand. Her knees buckled and she fell onto her ass with a sigh. "Hours?"

"A few," Varania said. "Master Danarius, was quite displeased by your actions this morning." She pulled a torn piece of fabric from Lorelai's shoulder and grimaced at the large gash that blemished Lorelai's pale shoulder. She patted the wound gently. Lorelai bit her lip hiding her overwhelming pain from the person nursing her wounds.

"I did it for Fenris," Lorelai muttered. She pulled her knees to her chest and rested her head on them. Her stomach hurt from the inside out.

"I know," Varania said with a sigh. She moved around to Lorelai's back. Her hands moved deftly across her flesh, examining the cuts in the gown for possible damage that was hidden from underneath. "He knew too."

"Everything was a set-up," Lorelai grumbled. "Gotta give him credit for his creativity," she chortled softly and winced as the antiseptic hit its mark.

"He's had this planned for some time now," Varania explained. A crack of a whip on flesh made the pair of them jump. Lorelai turned around and staggered to her feet to investigate.

"Hawke," Varania followed. "Lorelai. Don't."

Another crack echoed in the hall. Lorelai turned to face Varania, her eyes narrow with contempt. "You let him do this? To your brother?"

"I don't have a choice in this matter," Varania sulked. Her eyes twinkled as she tried to hold back her tears. "Fenris- Leto, he tried to come to your aid when you lost consciousness." She broke her attention from Lorelai's eyes and shuddered.

"What aren't you telling me,?" Lorelai urged, grabbing Varania by the shoulders and shaking her. A slow trickle of liquid streamed down her leg. Her eyes grew large as she pulled the torn and tattered skirt up to examine it. Blood- and it was slowly seeping into her slipper. She glared at Varania for a second. Her head grew woozy with shock and she leaned up against the handrail, catching herself from falling.

"I'm sorry," Varania murmured with shame.

"He tried to save me from this," Lorelai hissed. She looked at Varania. She was nodding her head in agreement.

"He did."

Lorelai stood and continued down the hall in the direction of the whip crack.

"Please," Varania pleaded grabbing Lorelai by the arm in protest. "You don't want to go in there."

"Why not?" Lorelai asked, turning the handle and shoving the door open.

Varania's head fell into her hands and Lorelai was taken aback by what she saw. The blood, the wounds, and Fenris locked in a stock on the verge of unconsciousness. His head turned towards them, glossy eyes that had no recollection of what they were looking at. Lorelai gasped at his injuries that were torn into his bare flesh.

"What are you doing in here?" Danarius screeched. His heavy hand fell to his side. His eyes fixated on Lorelai.

"I could ask you the same thing," Lorelai snapped. She took another step into the room and fell to her knees, weakened from her previous event.

"Varania," Danarius called to the elf still standing in the door. "Get her out!"

Varania shuffled quickly and grabbed Lorelai by the arm and pulled her back to the door. "Please, Lorelai."

"Get off," Lorelai bellowed as she wrenched her arm out of her grasp. She went to enter the room again and stopped when Varania closed the door behind her. "You are going to let him do this?"

"I can't," Varania wept.

"Then do something," Lorelai snapped.

Varania wiped her eyes and cleared her throat. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small folded paper. "Take it," she ordered.

"What is it," Lorelai asked without moving.

"It's from, Leto."

"From-," Lorelai touched the fine parchment and sniffled.

"You must go," Varania warned when she heard the scuffling at the door. She twisted Lorelai around and led her down the stairs. All the while, Lorelai was focused on the unopened document.

"Wait, Varania," Lorelai stopped when they got to the front door, "You need to get him out of this. If not for yourself, then for him." She looked up the stairs and pulled the door open. The pitch black night greeted her.

"I will try," Varania said, her head down in grief.

"We failed him," Lorelai said closing the door to the sound of tears and flesh being torn asunder.


	5. Chapter 5

Lorelai's eyes fluttered open, groggy and nearly blind by the haze that hung over her. She winced as her fingers twitched on the crinkled bedspread. She heard the soft wheeze of a person sleeping beside her. Her heart skipped a beat as she turned in the direction of the breathing and saw Carver asleep in the chair by her bed. His head hung forward; arms wrapped about himself.

Lorelai licked her lips and attempted to sit up. Every bone in her body ached as she moved. She watched Carver stir a little and resume his restful slumber. Her nude body speckled in goose bumps as the warmth of the blanket slid off of her. She turned to slide off of the bed and froze momentarily when Carver grumbled to himself dreamily. Her feet hit the stone and she was sure of her strength, until she bore weight on her legs and toppled into a heap to the floor.

"Damn it," she snapped.

Carver sprung up from his chair, stunned by the noise. He looked down at his sister, bare and exposed to every eye that would have graced past her open door. He walked over and got her robe.

"She's awake," he called to the voices chattering in the hall.

Anders came in, exhausted and worn. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Lorelai said as she tried to stand again only to fail and tumble to the floor again. She inhaled sharply and coughed violently expectorating a gelatinous glob of material into her mouth. She spit instinctively and a blackened clot slid across the floor, streaking it as it tore across the stone tile. "It wasn't a dream?" She looked at Anders and Carver who were disgusted by the display, but worried about the state of her health. "What happened?"

Anders picked her up gently and cradled her delicately in his arms. Placing her on the bed, Carver handed her her robe a subtle blush on his face at the sight of his sister's state of undress. Lorelai proceeded to pull her arm into the sleeve, all the while wincing.

"You've been out for three days, Lorelai," Anders stated, taking Carver's place in the chair.

Lorelai stopped dressing and looked at both of them. "What happened? How did I get here?"

"It's hard to say to be honest," Anders said, leaning back in the chair. "You came in and collapsed in the doorway." He looked over at Carver with a grimace and closed his eyes. "You were mumbling incoherently about something. From what I can deduce, it was blood magic."

"Blood magic?" Lorelai scoffed. "That's not possible."

_Pain radiated in her body. It was indescribable; she felt the blood pooling under her skin. The tears that slid down her cheeks were not tears at all, but blood that oozed as she blinked. Danarius enjoyed his torture of her, enjoyed that she was putting up a fight so as not to give him the satisfaction that he desired. She was powerless to stop him from doing what he had done._

_Fenris stared ahead; lifeless to her. Unable to move, racked by an unparalleled pain of his own. His eyes fixated on hers as she felt Danarius's stale breath on her cheek. The sliding of a dagger cutting into her flesh and rendering her paralyzed. He was saying something to her but it was disconnected as his hands pawed at her; ripping the fabric that had sheltered her._

"Sister, are you alright?" Carver asked.

She shook her head, trying to delete the nightmarish memory from existence. "I'm fine."

"You should still get some rest, you haven't completely healed," Anders stated.

"I'm fine, Anders," she snapped and stood on her feet. Her head swayed from side to side as she took her first lumbering step. Her legs were heavy and weak, but she had to keep going. She stumbled and was caught by Anders shaking his head in distress. "I have to get back to Danarius."

"No, that's not what you need right now," Anders grumbled.

"I can't just stay here," she argued pushing off of him and limping out of her room.

"Hawke, are you alright?" Merrill ran up. "We were so worried."

"I'm alright. Day one training was a little more vigorous than I expected," Lorelai said sarcastically.

Everything was a blur; pieces of the memories came back in recurrent flashes; disorderly and horrific. It couldn't have been her and those things couldn't have played out the way they had. She finished tying off the final binding ties and slipped into a pair of heavy boots that she had last worn in Kirkwall. Armored and spiky plates with a darkened patina scraped and dinged by the endless combat at the Gallows.

She felt Carver's hand grapple her shoulder and turn her rapidly around to face him. "You can't go back there."

Her fists balled at the indignity in his words. "What are you going to do about it?"

"I-," he stammered.

She forcefully removed his hand from off her body and socked him in the gut. Everyone at the table stood at her attack on her younger brother. "Don't, Carver." She looked to Anders and beckoned him over. "We need to talk. Now."

_Dirty fingernails clawed at her flesh. Her legs forcefully splayed. Her hands bound above her head. The pain was excruciating and humiliating. She begged the Maker to make it stop and when he didn't answer her, the nearest person that could do something was now watching her die. What semblance of self she had was removed by what she felt in her nether regions._

_The blade so close that she saw the shimmer of red slip from the blade and bleed into the carpet. The smell of blood, her blood filled the air commingling with sweat and tears. She gasped as she felt a stabbing in her abdomen; deep and piercing as it sunk through her and to the floor under her._

"_Make it stop," she pleaded to Fenris._

_Danarius barked in Arcanum to the elf with each thrust he took. Fenris wouldn't budge from his position. The magister was growing impatient as sweat dripped from his brow onto her exposed breast. He was panting, winded by his activity._

"You were nearly dead when we found you," Anders said as they walked. Using his staff as a walking stick, he followed Lorelai, her head draped in a black lace veil. The heavy robe's train trailed behind her brushing the ground clean. She was clearly distressed by the thoughts that scrolled through her head in snapshots. Her senses overwhelmed as the scent of Danarius' lingered. The swish of the chainmail on her boots broke through the idle chatter of shoppers in the marketplace.

"But I'm not. So why worry?" she asked. Her eyes locked forward as they neared Danarius's mansion. Her stomach knotted when she saw the magister, Fenris and Varania walking ahead of them. She froze and slammed her arm into Anders's chest.

"What's the matter?"

She shook off the dread and continued marching on. "It's nothing."

"Lorelai, something happened there," Anders insisted.

"It doesn't make any sense to me," she said as an overwhelming nervousness filled her. "I can't remember."

The two continued walking in silence as they made their way to the stair steps of the senate. Her pace quickened, unhindered by the heavy weights bound to her feet. She watched from afar as the many bodies parted for Danarius with Fenris at his heels, armed and looking for the word to kill.

"Mistress Hawke!" She heard from behind her. She turned in the direction of the voice and saw Iudicius walking towards them. He was winded, huffing to catch his breath- his arms burying books into his chest. A small child fell into place behind him with a female elf holding his hand. Lorelai eyed the elven maiden, her face familiar to her. They had met before, a long time ago. "How are you doing this fine day?"

"Can't complain," she smirked, pulling Anders close to her as her knees began to buckle. "This is Anders, a dear friend of mine."

"It's a pleasure, Anders," he said.

"Likewise," the mage grumbled.

"What are you doing here at the senate building today?" Iudicius asked, turning his attention back to Lorelai. He frowned at her frail condition and straightened again when he noticed she was staring at him. "I came by to see you the other day."

Lorelai turned to Anders questioningly. "He did?"

"You were sick remember?" Anders hushed tone carried off into the distance.

"I was," Lorelai said with a smile. "I'm sorry I couldn't have entertained you when you arrived."

"It's no trouble, Mistress Hawke." The little boy behind him muttered something to Iudicius causing the girl to pick the boy up in her arms. His head rested on her shoulder as she sang to him in Arcanum and nodding to Lorelai. She remembered too who she was, but her eyes twinkled the same way they had before. "This is my son and servant Orana."

"Now I remember you," Lorelai gasped. "Magister Hadriana."

"Yes, Mistress Hawke, it's so nice to see you again," the elf's sad tone said.

"Didn't you give her money to get out of there and start a new life?" Anders asked.

"I did."

Iudicius nodded acceptingly and shifted the books into his other arm. "She is in my service now and well taken care of."

"Is that true?" Lorelai muttered hesitantly.

"Oh, yes, it is Mistress Hawke," Orana chirped happily. "Master has been so kind to me since I've been in his service."

Lorelai smiled at the odd bubbliness of her tone. "Well, that's great news." She looked back up the stairs and saw Danarius walking down the stairs in their direction. A crooked smile appeared on his face as he stopped with the group.

"Mistress Hawke, how are you this morning?" He asked.

"I'm doing well, thank you."

"I haven't seen you in a couple of days, I was wondering if all was well with you."

"It is, Master Danarius." Lorelai said. She felt Anders push up against her ready to strike. She glanced at Fenris who was eyeing Anders; his hand nearing the handle of his sword. "I hope things are going well for you as well."

"They are," Danarius snickered. He tugged the steel chain on Fenris's collar abruptly. "What business do you have here at the senate today?"

A pleasant smile crept across her face as she grabbed Anders' hand and squeezed it gently. He relaxed and put his hand around Lorelai's waist. The two mages looked at Fenris and saw a flash of vengeance and anger rise in him. She heard the click of his armored tips tap the metal handle and the blade rubbing on leather. His muscles twitched as he glared at Anders. There was an obvious look of hate in his eyes, but when he looked down at Lorelai he stopped. Confused as to why she was letting someone else be near her.

_Fenris gathered himself, wounded and weak as he crept back to Lorelai on his hands and knees. Danarius flung him back against the wall. Fenris stood again and stopped when Danarius grabbed the dagger off of the floor and held it to her throat. His eyes lingered over her as he thrust into her again._

"_Do you think he'll save you before I kill you?" he hissed._

"_It doesn't matter anymore," she muttered._

_She didn't plead anymore for him to stop. Her will was lost as Fenris watched; the fight in him gone for fear of killing her._

"_What if I had him do it instead?"_

"_What would be the difference?" She turned her head away from Fenris. She couldn't look at him anymore. It was killing her to let him be witness to her degradation. Being in such close proximity to Fenris didn't mean that he was going to save her from the torment that she was undergoing._

"_Fenris! Attack!"_

_She closed her eyes and felt those familiar strong fingers grab her wrists and drag her out from under Danarius. She held her breath and hoped that the feelings that she had would be extinguished quickly. She waited, her heart palpitating in anticipation of the killing blow. A faint blue light glowed in front of her tear swollen eyes._

"Misery business." A sarcastic grin appeared, making Lorelai's eyes sparkle.

Fenris looked at her, distracted from his rage and irrationality. The faint crack of a smile made her growing cold exterior melt. She'd seen it before: it was crass, and sarcastic, with that "awe, isn't she cute" tone to it. He looked at Danarius to see if he had noticed, when he hadn't, he stared at Lorelai, speaking to her with no words.

"Well, that is very… interesting," Danarius said uncomfortably. His hand squeezed the chain tightly and tugged it sharply. "We must go now."

"Have a good day, Master Danarius," Iudicius said with a nod. He stepped aside and let the trio move past. He directed his attention back to Lorelai and burst into laughter. He rubbed his eyes as the ensueing dampness fell from his eyes. "What was that?"

"Telling the truth," Lorelai snapped. Her eyes locked on Fenris, watching the limp he tried to hide become more apparent with each step. "Payback is a bitch, isn't it?" she muttered harshly. She flashed a smile and winked to Iudicius with a nod. There was a strength within that empowered her. It wasn't the blood magic, or any power that mana could dissolve.

Anders stood there silently. He knew what was going on. She was happy, more thoroughly than she had in the past months. And with that she radiated this light that was blinding and electric. The gleam in her eye was that of one with a plan. Hopefully a good one. The past few had been doozies that had marked everyone poorly.

"Well, Mistress Hawke, if you need anything let me know," Iudicius stated, flustered and overwhelmed by her.

"I might just do that," Lorelai said, grabbing Anders's hand. "I will talk to you later."

Lorelai took the short way home, with a certain airiness in her step. She was peppy and smiling all the way back. Anders watched her, confused, concerned and reveling in it, all at once. His hodgepodge attitude didn't at all irk her own.

"You seem chipper," Anders pointed out. His fingers grew numb in her tight grip. He didn't mind; he was grateful for it.

"I am. It's odd," the lilt in her voice carried on the soft breeze to his ears. He could hear the smile and the subtle lisp distorting her resonating timbre. She was hurried and elated. He noticed without even looking at her.

_She waited for the end, smelling his woodsy scent, and feeling his piercing eyes on her. She counted off the seconds; the last moments of her life, lying at Fenris's mercy. She felt something brush her cheek; a warmth that forced her eyes open. She was face to face with him. She blinked rapidly, stunned, and horrified all at once. The blue emanations had died away and her elf stared down at her, anxiously awaiting her reaction._

_Lorelai smiled. She was safe. Danarius continued yelling at Fenris to kill her. He ignored his orders and smiled meekly at her. He bent down and whispered in her ear. It was indecipherable and disheartening. Just feeling his breath on her skin, hot and moist was enough to end her. Lorelai felt pressure over her wound. It was exquisite in its pain and soothing in the fact that it was him touching her. He examined her body- eyes moving from one part of her body to the next. When they reached their destination, he lifted his hand and saw the copious amounts of blood flowing from her wound._

"_I'm alright, really," she sputtered._

_He shook his head in disagreement._

"_Fenris-," she muttered licking the blood from her lips._

"_Shhh," he breathed, his voice heavy and sweet. "I can't let him do this."_

"_It's already done." It took all her strength to move her arm and touch his hand, still placed on her abdomen._

"_You deserve better than this, Mistress."_

"_I got better." She smiled and choked as she tried to chuckle._

"_It's-"_

"_I found you." Her fingers intertwined with his, body trembling with shock. "I did this for you."_

"_I don't deserve this. I don't deserve your kindness."_

"_You're right, you deserved better. From everyone, even me."_

_His facial features morphed into contempt. He turned his attention from Lorelai to Danarius. He rose and started towards him. His muscles twitched, ready to pounce. She couldn't see him anymore, but heard Danarius ordering Fenris to back down. She smiled weak and fading, she hoped the bastard got what was coming to him. She heard a crash near her. Her eyes closing as exhaustion and blood loss willed it. She bore no more energy, but knew that deep in the recesses of Fenris' mind, he knew who she was and that whether he fully gained his memory back or not, he was still going to defend her._


	6. Chapter 6

Three weeks had passed since she'd last seen Fenris. It wasn't something that she took lightly, the flashes of his pain still bled through in her night terrors. Long nights passed slowly as she lay awake in bed, fearful to close her eyes and reconstruct those moments. Anders had made the insipid comment about her trauma as they spoke one day in the park. The casual stroll taking them along a placid lake lined with pink and white cherry trees. It was one of the few times she'd been out under her own strength. While she had physically recovered from her injuries, mentally she was tattered and frayed.

She felt the same way the night she'd killed Quentin. She was grateful to see him dead, but so utterly alone by the loss of her mother. The woman's dead eyes staring up at her, feeling her mother's life force drain away with every word spoken. Through all that her mother saw peace, a peace that Lorelai thought she was never going to attain. How many times had she screwed up and put herself in daunting and horrid positions?

When she finally confronted Anders about her injuries she was floored. She couldn't remember them at all. Certain actions were like she was watching someone else undergo the pain; others were flashes of what could have been the worst nightmare of her life. Nothing could justify it as much as she tried to wrap her head around it. Anders had grown resentful and blamed Fenris for his inaction. Lorelai defended the elf the best she could, but even the best intentions were thrown to the wayside when it came to that argument.

She only acknowledged her wounds when she saw them, still pink and bright as she brushed her hands across them. They were only some of the many she'd gained in her existence, just another line to the story that was hers. Varric had told her that not all stories had to have a happy ending. She agreed with the sentiment and hoped for once in her Maker given life that she'd get something right. She felt like a failure always looking over her shoulder waiting to see that white hair standing behind her; the grin of tenuous amusement that made his penetrating eyes sparkle at the sight of her.

"What are everyone's plans for the day?" Carver asked slamming his wooden mug on the table.

"Depends on what's going on," Lorelai said, wiping her mouth with her sleeve. "It's always best to err on the side of caution these days."

"Did you finish putting up those wards like you planned?" Varric asked. "Daisy, she did do that, right?"

"Varric, why are you asking me?" Merrill squeaked. "I thought Anders was helping her with that."

"Speaking of Anders, where is he?" Lorelai asked, taking note of the again vacant seat beside her. She pulled her boot strap up and finished wedging her heel into the boot. "This is getting ridiculous."

"That could be said about anything, given that you know how to pick your enemies," Carver grumbled in his cup. His eyes squinted as he watched her out of the corner of his eye.

"I'm not here to argue about that," she sighed. She shook her hair, letting the long black locks fall over her shoulder and to obscure her vision. "Someone must have seen him go or know what he's up to."

"No one knows." Isabela and Carver said in unison.

"He left before you even got up." Carver continued.

"Huh." It was the only response Lorelai could muster. She tucked her hair behind her ear and hugged her brother. "I better be off, can't keep Iudicius waiting. He said he had something to discuss with me about Danarius and Fenris."

Merrill got up at the sound of a pounding on the front door. Lorelai thought it was the possibility of a messenger with her letter from Iudicius about the location of their meeting, but stood corrected when Merrill yelped, "By the Dread Wolf! Fenris, is that you?"

All the housemates turned to Lorelai who darted for the door shaking her head. "Just stay here," she ordered.

Lorelai came up behind Merrill and placed a hand on her shoulder. She nodded for her to leave and stood in the doorway, dumbfounded by the uninvited guests looking up at her. Fenris was at the magister's side, standing there a fresh slit in his lip that still oozed blood and plasma. A large chain attached to his collar was in the hand of Danarius. Varania stood behind him; her eyes to the ground as she shuffled her feet nervously.

"Mistress Hawke," Danarius said. "It's a beautiful morning this day." He looked to the skies and smiling and looked back at her.

"It is," she agreed. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"No, no. There is nothing that really needs to be attended to." He looked past Lorelai to Carver who was staring angrily at him. "I was wondering how you are feeling this morning. It's been a few weeks since we spoke last. Is there any reason we should delay your studies further?"

"That depends on what you have planned for me," Lorelai said in a hostile tone. She heard Carver get up and she turned to him and shook her head. "There have been a lot of things going on around here," she paused to long enough to spit out the enormous lie she was going to give him. "Some interesting things have come to light for me as well as my family."

"Really, this is good news I take it? Nothing to hold you back anymore from taking my side as my apprentice," he concurred with a slight bow. Varania shook her head disapprovingly and grew still when Danarius looked at her. "Maybe we can continue such lessons today? If that is not a problem with you, my dear." Fenris shifted uncomfortably and looked up at Lorelai.

"If only to learn how to better myself, Master Danarius," she remarked, leaning into the door jamb. She seethed at the thought of him touching her again. She wasn't going to succumb to his trickery again, not for any reason or any cost.

"That's wonderful to hear," he said. He looked around for a moment and his smile melted to an instant frown. "Are these wards?" he asked, rubbing his thumb along the archaic markings carved into the column.

"They are," she answered, glancing at Fenris who was becoming irritable at the discussion.

"Why would you need something like that? Is someone trying to hurt you?" he queried, leaning into her.

"That depends on you actually," she pointed out. She took her small dagger out and Fenris panicked, grabbing her wrist and pinning it to the door. Carver almost jumped out the door at the exchange, yet stopped when Lorelai braced her other arm in front of him. "It's alright," she told him. He took a step back and leaned on the door behind her.

"Fenris." Danarius said in a scolding tone. Fenris looked at Lorelai lost behind his compulsion to protect his master. He methodically let Lorelai loose. She wistfully began to clean under her nails and smirked at Danarius.

"Is he going to be a part of the lessons today?" she asked; her voice was ice cold and contemptuous.

Danarius chuckled loudly and shook his head. "Maybe not today. But if you have use of him he is here to assist you."

"Delightful," Lorelai sneered.

"Varania?" Danarius called to the woman behind him. "Take Fenris around the corner for a moment would you?"

Varania moved slowly and clutched the chain from Danarius's grasp. She yanked on Fenris to move but he turned on her with a leer. She scowled and yanked harder, but he wouldn't budge from his position between Danarius and Lorelai.

"Hey!" Lorelai called to Fenris. He turned back to her. His attention duly drawn on her eyes. She could see the lack of submission as he looked at her. "It's alright. Go." Fenris shook his head objecting to the order.

"I'm sorry, Lorelai," Danarius apologized. He kicked Fenris behind the knee hard. Fenris fell to his hands and knees. Lorelai instinctively went to pick him up but was held back by Carver's arm wrapped around her waist.

"Sister-," he urged in to her ear.

Lorelai became compliant and nodded resentfully. Fenris looked at her with empty eyes as he stood up again.

"Go Fenris," the magister ordered. Fenris glanced at Lorelai; her eyes told him to go and he submitted without hesitation this time.

"Give us a minute, Carver," Lorelai implored without looking at him.

"Are you sure?" Carver argued. He glared at Danarius indignant to the magister or his sister's request.

"Yeah," Lorelai let out slowly.

Carver scoffed at the audacity in her tone. She wasn't sure of herself and he sure as hell didn't trust Danarius. He closed the door in front of him and watched from the window.

He saw the pair talking to each other. Danarius drew closer and stroked Lorelai's cheek. Her head drooped at his touch but slowly rose to meet his eyes. She looked sad to him and it was painful to watch as the man who had violated her, acted so fresh towards her, after being perversely violent with his sister. She stood there and took it, letting him do to her as he pleased. He said something to her and she nodded and pointed in the direction that Varania and Fenris had left in.

Danarius nodded and his face became stern as she argued with him. The man's breathing became forced and he was starting to lose his cool as she laid into him. Danarius grabbed her jaw and pulled her close to her and stared into her eyes. He said something and she felt around for her dagger. Carver's heart raced and he started for the door when he heard 'hmph.' He flung the door open and saw Lorelai standing over Danarius, the dagger in her hand dripped with blood.

"I don't need you," she growled. "You sick son of a bitch, you think I don't know or remember what you did? Who in the Maker's name do you think you are?"

The magister rose, grabbing his arm. "You stupid bitch!" he spat. He looked at his arm watching as the blood ran through his fingers. He called for Fenris to come back to his side. Within seconds he was there, a murderous look shot at Lorelai and at Carver. "Kill them." Danarius ordered as he staggered past the blue emanating elf. Fenris charged them, sword at the ready. Lorelai slammed him into the ground.

Fenris gasped in pain as he rose. "I have to," he uttered with remorse.

"No, you don't," Lorelai insisted. "You don't need to do this and I won't kill you over it."

"Then I'll kill you first." He leapt to his feet and charged again. Lorelai saw the flash of steel from Carver's sword and bolted in between the men. She stared Fenris down, defiantly. Her eyes were blank as he raised the blade to cleave it down upon her head. "I will have my revenge on you."

"Fenris stop," Lorelai ordered. The blade came to a stop at the crown of her head. She was stunned, as was Carver. "I didn't do anything," she stammered.

"Liar!" Fenris sneered. He pulled the blade down her forehead, splitting it in two just millimeters from her brow. He shook with anger and Lorelai continued to stare at him.

"I really hate to have to do this, Fenris." She smacked the blade away with her palm, cutting it along the edge. She showed no concern at the injury, but pointed out the blood that the weapon had drawn. Fenris saw it, blinking rapidly in fear. "I'm not going to hurt you, but-."

"Whatever she did was probably best at this rate," Carver argued, heated at the attempt on his sister's life. "Go back to your master. Whatever he did to you obviously didn't work. He's a failure just as you are. Now leave."

The blue light that emanated from Fenris faded away and he grabbed his head and shook it. He looked around in a daze and stared questioningly at Lorelai. His sword slipped from his grasp and fell to the ground with a clatter. Weakened by the magic used on him, and torn by inalienable feelings, he fell to his knees to gather himself. Carver slowly lowered his weapon and looked at Lorelai. She pulled a scarf out of her pouch and dabbed the blood from the abrasion across her hand.

"Are you alright?" she asked. Her voice sung of concern as she knelt down and ran her blood stained fingers through his silvery white hair. Fenris nodded approvingly. He looked behind him and saw that the chain that he was bound to wasn't being held any longer. "Would you like to come in?" Her smile was inviting but he shook his head 'no' and adjusted the collar again.

"I'm sorry, Mistress Hawke. Danarius-," he said apologetically. He looked around again for Danarius and sighed. "Will I be seeing you later today?"

"No, Fenris. I don't think so," she said, biting her lip.

"Have I wronged you in some way? Is Danarius angered by you?" he questioned.

"I think he's a little more than that," Carver chirped. Lorelai shot him a look of annoyance and glared. He put his hands up defensively. It was all she needed to get her point across for him to stay out of it.

"You've done nothing wrong, I assure you," Lorelai said. Her eyes graced over his face and those big green eyes and slight childlike features that made her swoon when they first met. The fire that was there before was gone, replaced by this hollow void of nothingness. "But I think at this point our business relationship is at an end."

"That is unfortunate, Mistress," Fenris said sadly. "I would have been honored to serve you."

"After what you let happen to her, I'd say your ability to grasp honor or anything is in question at this point," Anders said as he approached him. Glowering and irate he passed and strolled into the house without another word.

Fenris looked at Lorelai with shame. "I tried, Mistress Hawke."

"Anders. Stay out of it. Leave him alone he didn't do anything," Lorelai snapped, irritated by the title and Anders's interference. Carver turned back to her infuriated by the admission. He knew it all along, but she wouldn't tell him anything about it. She didn't want to worry him-she told him in private. "Just let it go." She turned back to Fenris and closed her eyes. "Don't call me, 'Mistress.' Just go back to your master and try to take care of yourself."

The order was confusing to him. Taking care of himself was an afterthought in his day to day struggles with Danarius. When did he ever have time to himself in the first place? "I'm sorry Mistress, that I wasn't fast enough." He became flustered and leaned down in front of her, his eyes to the ground.

"Oh, Fenris," Lorelai squeeked. She bent down and stroked his cheek while Anders and Carver watched on for any signs of Danarius' return. Her heart broke. The sadness that exuded from him shattered the world around her. There was nothing. The entire universe was inhabited by her and this shadow of a man that she had given her heart to so freely four years before. He looked up at her and she cried mournfully. Her heart sagged heavily with regret. Everything that had been blocked by the ritual left a horrible void in the space between them.

His green eyes sparkled and danced as he watched the emotions pour out of her. She bit her lower lip as she ran her finger across his lips and across the small wound that marked it. He went to grab her hand and hold it and for a split second she saw it. That love and adoration that he'd had for her. If she hadn't been watching him for a response she would have missed it and the fact that she hadn't tormented her even more.

"Mistress?" his thick, husky voice croaked. "Are you sure you're alright?" He looked her over and wiped away her tears. "Why do you cry? Is there something I can do for you?"

"Shhh," she murmured. Her hands fell to her lap. Her bloody tissue balled up and poked through contrasting the deep blue of her robe. She closed her eyes and prayed to the Maker that he'd snap out of it and all of this was a horrible damn dream she would wake from with Fenris sleeping beside her. She opened her eyes and his were still fixated on her. She leaned in and gently kissed him on the lips. He still smelled the same; still tasted the same and the rapture that filled her made her long for more but stopped when Carver tapped her on the shoulder.

The rain had begun to fall again. She hadn't noticed that she was becoming drenched by it. Her eyelashes fluttered as the misty rain hit her face. She looked at Carver who pointed her attention to Varania. She stood, clearing her throat, while Fenris remained on his knees at her feet. Still in shock by the show of affection and kindness she had given him.

Varania approached and looked down at Fenris. "We must go, Fenris." Her hands clasped together in front of her. She looked back at Lorelai, her stringy red hair falling into her face. "Mistress Hawke. I'm sorry this couldn't have worked out any other way."

"Are you going to tell Danarius?" Lorelai asked. Her eyes looked down at Fenris who was looking at her adoringly.

"No," Varania said. "Did you read what he wrote you yet?"

"I haven't," Lorelai said. She felt a soft tug on the hem of her robe and she smiled. The message was all too clear with what he was trying to say. "I will. Don't worry," she said to him. She turned her attention back to Varania. "You should probably go."

Varania nodded in agreement. "Yes." She picked up the heavy leash and patted Fenris on the head. "Come on, Fenris. We don't want to make Master Danarius angry." Fenris slowly rose from his knees, his eyes down cast at Lorelai. His hair dripped from the rain giving his already unnaturally white hair a phosphorescent sheen as it rolled off.

"Take care of him," Lorelai said.

"I will," Varania said as she started to walk towards the small gate. She looked back with a smile. Fenris followed looking back at Lorelai every few feet.

Something stirred in her. Was it regret or pain or the mere thought of having been so close to him for the first time in so long? She couldn't take it anymore. Everything she'd wanted to say to him was rushing past her as the time before he vanished from her sight slipped away.

"Wait!" she called. Fenris and Varania both turned to her as she ran up to him. Her feet splashing in the puddles with every step she took. She pulled Fenris to her and held him. The hard plates of his armor dug into her, but she took it. "No matter the distance between us, I will always love you." She whispered into his ear. She kissed him again. Fenris grunted softly as he put his arms around her, instinctively. She felt his armored fingertips grace her spine and she didn't want the moment to end.

"Mistress Hawke?" Fenris asked pulling away from her slowly. "I-"

"It's alright," she said, taking a step back from him. "I understand." She nodded to Varania who pulled Fenris a little bit before he finally broke his gaze from hers. She watched as they walked away. She wouldn't leave until his scent abandoned her. She turned back to Carver, who had watched the scene with a broken heart for the pain his sister was inflicting upon herself. She came up on to the stoop and followed him in.

Lorelai closed the door behind her and fell back into it. Her head dropped into her hands as she wept. It was the hardest thing she ever had to do. And yet she was doing it again- sending Fenris back into the clutches of that son of a bitch.

"That man is a pompous asshole." Carver told Anders. "And where have you been going every morning?"

"None of your business." Anders retorted. "I'm taking care of something."

"If I had a copper for every time I heard that from you blasted mages we wouldn't need to worry about money. Now would we?" He shot a look to Lorelai and scowled. "And you," he stomped over to her and propped his hand on the door and stared down at her. "How can you possibly defend him after he just tried to kill you?"

"Because it's who she is," Anders interjected. "Wouldn't you do just about anything for the woman you loved?"

The accusing look on Carver's face left him and he paused. "Sister. Whatever happened to you- we will fix it."

"I've pissed off one of the most powerful magisters in Tevinter," Lorelai said. "How do you think we can fix this?"

"You could run," Carver said. His shoulders straightened and he folded his arms defensively.

"No," Lorelai said. "I'm done with running." She pushed passed him and stood at Anders's side. "I came here for a purpose and a vow that I made to myself. Running is not an option." Anders nodded in agreement and held Lorelai's hand. She looked down at it for a second and squeezed it tightly.

"So what's the plan?" Carver asked in a less than amused tone. The same self-absorbed tone that he'd had about the expedition years before.

Lorelai looked at Anders and smiled. "Just because Danarius doesn't need nor want me anymore doesn't mean that another magister isn't looking for an apprentice that can increase his power." She released her grip on Anders and started back for the study. She glanced over her shoulder at the men, her eyes twinkling brightly in the candle light. "Besides a good magister doesn't necessarily mean I would have to retort to blood magic. And for added bonus, if said magister was one that Danarius didn't much care for, it would really get under his skin."

"That's you plan?" Carver snapped.

"You got a better one?" Anders retorted before walking away from the awkward man to his own room.

* * *

><p>Lorelai sat in the comfy chair staring at the dancing flames burning brightly; the fire's erotic and hypnotic waves lapping at the masonry. She took a sip of brandy and sighed. The tears came without thought and she did nothing to dam them from falling. The small slip of paper rested neatly, read and reread on her lap. She was overwhelmed with emotions and doubt. How could she let herself do it?<p>

The words said so much to her that it didn't make sense:

_'I hated you for sending me back. I hated myself for ever letting myself get close to you. You were the one person I trusted and was willing to die for- if you had given me the chance. I fought Danarius all the way back to Tevinter and am now awaiting the end of what I am. Thanks to you, I will no longer remember what it was like to be free._

_I can't blame you for being scared. After everything we had faced and the way I walked out on you, I understand. You did what you thought you had to. I'm more than willing to undertake this ritual now. I really don't want to forget about us, but I know that it is inevitable._

_Varania tells me that if I don't go through with this that it'll be you he comes after. I can't let that happen. Not after all you've done in an attempt to save me from my demons. I can't let him be near you, he is dangerous. As are all magisters. He is the worst however. And as Varania writes this for me now, I can't help but feel that we both earned this in our own right._

_Whatever is to become of you, I hope that my sacrifice is enough to know how regretful I am to have left your side that night. You were the one thing that mattered to me and you still are, no matter the decision. We didn't always agree on things, but damn it, Lorelai, you were the only thing that made life worth living in that dank mansion. I want to keep you safe from him and if I die for it in spirit and mind then it is little consolation to what I had done to you as a whole._

_Forgive me, even though I do not deserve it.'_

"Are you alright?" Anders asked sitting in the chair beside her.

"Fine," she muttered taking a larger drink. She wiped her eyes dry and sighed. She folded up the paper and stuck it back in her pouch as gently as she could as if it were the most sacred document she had ever found.

She felt his eyes on her and she glanced at him. He reached over and wiped away the tear that ran down her cheek. He brushed her soft lips with his thumb and bent closer to her. They stared at one another lost in each other's eyes.

He swept her chin into his hand and leaned into her. He pressed his lips to hers and kissed her softly. It was electrifying and terrifying in one shot. The taste of him gave her butterflies and she tried to stop but every cell in her told her to let go. His tongue touched hers and it was made all the more climactic when he pulled her out of the chair and held her close to him. His strong chest pressed firmly into hers. She gasped when he pulled away. She couldn't breathe. The air in the room was completely removed and Anders stood there. His eyes flickered with such a longing for her.

She looked away and buried her face into him. She breathed him in. The sheer aroma of sweat and testosterone was enough to drive her over the edge. He caressed her bare shoulder and she grew tense. She shook with anticipation of his touch. He kissed her again harder and with more intent, letting his arms snake around her hips as his leaned into hers. She became panicked by the feelings and clenched her hand shut, forgetting that she still held the glass in her hand, causing it to shatter.

Lorelai looked at the shards of broken glass on the floor and felt the pain and blood flow from her hand. Anders grabbed her hand and plucked the larger shards out of her hand.

"Lorelai, I'm sorry," he said as he pulled out his handkerchief and blotted the blood from her palm.

"What for?" she asked as she winced at the pressure.

Anders looked at her and blinked in shock. "For kissing you...and Fenris...and your hand."

Lorelai smiled and shook her head. "No harm. No foul."

He grabbed her by the wrist and started to pull her towards his room. She struggled and he turned back to her. Her eyes were wild and terrified. Her chest rose and fell rapidly like a scared rabbit ready to bolt. He frowned and nodded. "It's alright." He released her and escorted her to his room.

He sat her in the chair at his small table full of ampoules and herbs and mixed a small concoction. She placed her hand on the table- a small fist around the bloody fabric he'd placed there. He pulled open her small fingers that shook from the pain. Sliding the rag from her unclenched fist he saw the long deep abrasions and frowned again. He looked over Lorelai's face and placed a dollop of the stinging ointment into her hand.

She inhaled sharply as he started to spread it around. He paused and looked at her. She waved him off and pointed at her hand to urge him to continue. He took out a long piece of gauze and wrapped her hand delicately.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Lorelai," Anders started and sighed. He shook his head and looked back at her. She was watching him with curiosity for what he had to say. "Why didn't we-?"

"I don't know," she answered leaning over and kissing him on the forehead. "Maybe in another life perhaps."

"Didn't I use that line on you once?" he grumbled.

"You did," Lorelai said. "And it worked. I can't compete with Justice in this."

"Lorelai, I love you," he muttered softly. Dejected and alone he stood and propped himself against the table. "So much so that I'm willing to help you get Fenris back." Her eyes shot up to his in dismay. "I had my shot and blew it. If my only redemption is to get him back to you so you can be happy, then I will die truly blessed that I had accomplished that."

"Anders, I," Lorelai stammered.

"Don't say anything right now about it," Anders said. "Just know that I will do everything in my power to make it happen."


	7. Chapter 7

In the days following the confrontation with Danarius, Lorelai was renewed and vindicated. She knew that in body and mind he wasn't going to own her. As much as she woke in cold sweats in the middle of the night, heart racing, and eyes full of woe; she had been made whole by thoughts of Fenris, his scent and the kiss that lingered long afterward. She was confused however by the actions of Anders, he saw her display and still she regarded the mage as being selfish and reckless as much as she prided herself on being neutral. The kiss was just that; a kiss. While any faded feelings she had once had for him fell to the wayside at the destruction of the chantry, she knew that regardless he was going to be there for any circumstance- at least in some capacity.

She understood that Anders had a deeply engrained longing for her, but even he had rejected her when the thought of Justice came into play. _I'll only break your heart_- the words were remorseful and sadly true. How long had he had it planned from the start? Perhaps he was just using her, the pair of them mages, both knowing the others suffering. He- being bound to the Circle; and she being bound to a life of danger that could have ended up in her joining him in the Circle to begin with.

She was grateful for all the sacrifices that her parents and Carver had made to keep her and Bethany safe, but was it really worth the cost? She would have gladly let the Templars take her away if it meant that her family could get out of town with Carver and Bethany in tow. The martyr. Yet, would she even be alive at this point? According to Cullen, the _Ferelden Circle_ had been annulled by the Hero of Ferelden. Whatever events had happened there, had it really require the countless deaths of innocents?

* * *

><p>Hero of Ferelden and now queen, it sounded like a fairy tale that her father would tell her when she was a child. It was romantic and empowering still. As much as she hated the idea of the losses that were incurred and looking back on what had occurred at the Gallows- that dark and bloody night would it have ended any differently? Orsino had resorted to blood magic, as Fenris himself had predicted would happen. Feeling trapped- consorting with demons. It was a fool notion, but hindsight proved him right.<p>

She was no different. She had fraternized with a demon in the weeks following her fling with the elf. Her price for power- the blood of the most innocent, the most pure in nature. She hadn't known about it until that moment when the demon had pointed it out as an obvious bargaining chip. All the power that she could ever need at the cost of a creation that was mistakenly made; the elven lass she had executed hadn't been her first sacrifice or victim. Every time she looked at Carver- who saw the empty blackness of her soul, but never questioned the cost at which her powers were incurred- she thought in bouts of anxiety that he knew.

Lorelai pressed her hand to her abdomen at the thought, an empty pit that had been devoid of life and spirit for years had been brought to her in the form of blood. While the abomination she had created had survived to fruition; the pain she endured to bring this life that was now owned before it gave its first breath in this world, seemed unfair.

The secrecy that she had kept from everyone during those arduous months, bound in her armor fastened to almost bursting because she didn't want _him_ to know about it. What would he have said to her if he had known? The news was outrageous and scandalous if her mother found out, and the idea of being doted on because of her condition was one she wouldn't tolerate.

When the time was nigh for the arrival of this spawn created and destroyed by three, she stowed away into the night, leading Anders away from his clinic; sweat beading on her forehead through the twisting pains that grew in intensity.

"Where are we going?" he asked, placing his hand to her back when she curled around her midsection in agony. "What's wrong?"

Her armor still hid the obvious lump from the visible eye. They walked out of the city and towards the coast where no one would hear her scream when the time came. "Not here." She looked around, fighting the urge to cry in agony.

They didn't go far; the walking became more unbearable to stomach the longer she resisted. Her body ached giving her one final warning to stop before the inevitable happened. She stood in the entrance of a cave and dropped the small pack on her shoulder to the ground. Fingers atremble, she loosened the belts from across her midsection and dropped her armor and paused. Incredible waves of pain and urges broke her small mind of its concentration. She grabbed her burgeoning abdomen and braced herself against the wall wincing with each contraction she felt.

"Lorelai." Anders approached her and put his hand on her tracing the enlarged womb she had sheltered from everyone. "Is it time?"

She nodded, unable to maintain the decorum of a strong fighter that she had always exhibited. "How? How-?"

"It's alright, Lorelai." He rotated the small woman and looked down at her. "How far apart?"

"Not very." She groaned, resting her head on Anders' chest as she braced for another one. She felt weak, exhausted by the acrobatics going on in her variably shrinking womb. The slow trickle grew with each flinch the life inside her made, increasing to a slow stream that puddled at her feet. She became embarrassed and confused, wanting it all to end. Anders eased her to the ground propping her head against her armor. "In the pack I think there is everything I need." She grimaced again and felt the pressure sinking lower and lower into her legs.

Anders grabbed the pack and dumped the contents the ground. "You came prepared. Were you planning on doing this on your own?"

Lorelai blew out a long stream of air and silently cried. "Please, Anders," she begged when the pain subsided. "I don't know who to trust with this."

He placed his hand on her stomach and closed his eyes, gauging the frequency of the contractions and how far the small life had slipped down. Warmth filled her, the pain slipped away but the unbelievable pressure remained still lingering in her spine.

"I have to get these off of you," he said, pulling the final belt off from around her waist and sliding her pants down and over her knees.

"Just do it," she muttered, clenching her jaw. He looked down at her; an uncharacteristically nervous smile stretched across his face.

"Are you ready?"

* * *

><p>She was damp; cool, perspiration slid from every pore. Her mind was a haze of hormones, elation and relief with the pain slipping away for the final time. She looked at the waning night sky. The slow streamers, red and bittersweet, stretched off towards the hidden horizon. Salt water mist bombarded the dusty ground. The picture before her couldn't have been painted any better than it was.<p>

A small coo drove her attention to the small bundle of flesh wrapped in a thick blanket huddled in Anders' arms. He stared at it: a fatherly smile across his face. It was a scene she wished she'd shared with Fenris, but for all the sinners in the world, it was one that she bore alone with Anders. She urged him not to tell anyone; it was something that couldn't be ignored, to be sure, but he couldn't know.

Anders looked at her and embraced the weakened woman tightly. Her pale skin feeling the warmth of his body on her skin sent the shiver right from her body.

"It's a boy, Lorelai." He handed the sleeping infant to her. Pulling the small coverlet from the babe's eyes, he flinched and looked at her. The shock of black hair that formed around the crown of his skull made his deeply piercing emerald eyes all the darker. She pressed her lips to his head adoringly and sniffed the newborn scent that drove her to tears. She silently wept for the tiny bundle. "What's wrong?"

"I need to ask you something."

"Anything. What is it?"

"I need to get him as far away from here as possible," she said, pressing her thumb into the tiny square palm. Tiny fingers grasped around her larger digit firmly; refusing to let go.

"Are you going on the run again?"

Lorelai wiped her eyes with her free hand and shuddered. "Do you know anyone who would be willing to take him in? Maybe one of the mage's in the resistance? Someone, just get him out of Kirkwall."

"Are you sure about this Lorelai?" he asked. He grinned at the small face peering up at him. "What about Fenris?"

"He can't know," she answered softly. "It's better if he never knew."

"You can't just cut him out like that. Maybe he'll understand."

"I doubt it at this point."

Anders grew silent, unable to come up with the words to make the situation better. He left Lorelai's side and walked to the edge of the cliff and looked out at the sea of jagged and foreboding rocks. A death sentence for any ship that tried to navigate the treacherous waters- as was pointed out by the equal amounts of broken bows that matched in angle and depth to those that had put them there. Lorelai watched him pick up a rock and chuck it out into the churning waters below. She was torn. This little body that nestled perfectly against her bosom in a dreamy state, who in his own slumber mocked the facial features of his father.

Things were growing too tense in Kirkwall, what with the Qunari and Chantry conflict getting ready to boil over. It was better for him to actually have a life, considering she had already sold it to suit her own gains. Not till he was older, much older, long after she had died. Why hadn't the plan fallen apart in the first place after the bargain had been made?

She listened to the soft wheeze of the baby on her chest and smiled. "Anders," she called, turning her head to see if it had caught his attention. He was gone. She hadn't noticed him leave or if he had done the unthinkable. "Anders!" She stood, wobbly legged in only her chemise, clutching her little one tightly against her. She heard voices not far off from her. One was Anders, that she was sure of, the other was harshly whispering to him. "Anders?"

"It's alright!" he called to her, appearing within seconds from behind the scrub that had bordered the entrance.

"Who was that?"

"One of the city guard doing patrols," he explained uncomfortably. "Told him we were on a date." He waggled his eyebrows playfully. He held his hands out to accept the wee one, excited by the new life that was springing forth from his most prized possession. His face grew serious as he glanced at Lorelai. "You're sure you want to do this?"

"I'm sure."

"We should head back then. I have to get in contact with some people before everything happens." Lorelai went to pick up her stuff when she felt his hand on the small of her back. "I'll come back for it. Just grab your armor and belts." She straightened and turned to the baby still sleeping as if the world didn't matter. "Come on. I'll walk you home."

* * *

><p>Within three days, he was gone to some clandestine place. Anders told her it was best that she not know, given the potential danger that could put the child in. He had tried so hard to make it safe in the days leading up to his departure, and Lorelai spent hours in his clinic watching and holding her child. Everyone knew that there was a baby by the end of the last day. Anders had told them that the mother had died in child birth and that he was looking for a reliable couple to take him and raise him well.<p>

Aveline thought it was precious to see those large eyes stare at her, content with the bottle that she nursed him with. Merrill was interested in telling him stories about Fen'harel and singing in elven tongues, lulling the infant to sleep. Lorelai thought it would have been an ideal time for everyone to know who the mother was of this child they fawned over, but every time she gained the courage to open her mouth, Fenris would come with Isabela and Varric in close succession. The elf always hung back, slightly disturbed by the looks of the wiggling small person in the basinet beside Lorelai. Isabela told him raunchy stories as to how to please a woman for when the time was right for him take on such adventures.

Lorelai protested the language but was shot down by the instant jab of "well, it isn't yours now is it?"

It shut her up, put her in a hole that she never thought she'd crawl out of. Hours before the mages were to arrive for their pick up, Fenris arrived at the clinic nursing an injury to his upper arm. Lorelai sat, rocking the child, the rumbling of its tummy made her adjust his position and pat him on the back. He couldn't stop staring at it with contempt. Lorelai tried to ignore it with everything she had, but when Anders finished patching up the wound Fenris approached and squatted down to inspect the dozing child more closely.

"He looks familiar."

"Does he?" She started to panic and looked to Anders for help. He was busy talking to one of his assistants at the door, oblivious to the conversation that was taking place.

"Yes." He drew out the word, mulling over the possibilities. "He will make whoever is coming to accept him pleased." Lorelai smiled and closed her eyes, her head resting on the back of the chair. "As long as its mother or father wasn't a mage, then he will have a long and fruitful life." Lorelai grew rigid.

"We can only hope, can't we?" she mocked.

Fenris pulled the quilted blanket down a little more, his finger touching the new flesh of the baby's cheek. He was child-like about it. Curious, concerned, full of wonder. The infant stirred and opened his eyes. A tiny fat hand locked on to his spiked gauntlet. Lorelai watched as he froze and looked at her frantic for her aid. She pried the tiny fingers away, with delicate intent and held Fenris' hand.

"What?"

"Take it off."

He was astounded by the blunt request. Her eyes begged him to oblige the simple appeal without question. For the life of her she couldn't just come out and say, "touch your baby, you idiot." He dropped the heavy fingered glove to the floor and waited for her next demand. She said nothing and led his hand back to the baby's.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Those are spiky, you could cut him." She lied to him and to herself. She wanted to see his reaction. The baby whimpered, chin quivering as it began to cry. Fenris jumped back, his eyes darting from Lorelai and to the baby.

"What did I do?"

Lorelai giggled meekly. "Nothing." She stood, hushing the infant as she picked him up and began pacing the floor. "Do you want to hold him?" He was fixed right there, unable to move. He stood, head unhinged and rapidly shaking his head declining the offer.

"I can't." He looked at his armor and noted that even if he wanted to, the spines of his armor would have caused more harm than good. Lorelai continued circuiting the floor. The small head resting on her shoulder, never taking its eyes off of him with each pass she made.

Fenris took a step back when those deep green eyes stared back at him.

Fenris looked from one side of the clinic to the other and saw Anders standing there watching the pair's discussion. "I have to go," he muttered quickly, before storming from the clinic.

Keeping the forbidden knowledge from use around Fenris was a law that she had put into practice to protect herself. She didn't really need it and would have gladly put her head to the chopping block for his blade to make the killing blow. She was corrupted and tainted worse than Carver could ever be.

Seven years had passed, the day of his birth sat in her mind. It was inescapable. Every year she wondered where he had went off to and if he was alright. Seven years that had lingered with her melancholy of choices and her own hand in betrayal. It wasn't something that if left unchecked would go away on its own, but sitting across the table from Iudicius was one thing that she had rather waited to do on the anniversary that she had secretly stowed away in her heart and memory.

* * *

><p>"So what do you think?" Iudicius asked, looking across the table from her. The dimming light of the candelabra between them twinkled in anticipation of her response. His black eyes looked over her for a reaction and when one didn't arrive he furrowed his brow and stood.<p>

"I think," she started, tapping the table to get him to sit again. "I would love to go."

"This is wonderful," Iudicius said with glee. "You do know that Danarius will be there?"

"I'm well aware."

"Well he shouldn't know it's you; given that it's a masquerade," he stated. "I think this will be a wonderful exercise for him in self-control." He leaned across the table, his voice dropping to a whisper, "As for your apprenticeship to him, I think he might take offense."

Lorelai sat for a moment replaying the final moments that she had with Danarius in front of her home. It was poetic in a sense that while her wounds ran farther than the one she had inflicted on him, the slow fragmentation of his hold on Fenris was far worse. "I'm not his apprentice anymore."

"I thought I heard something to that effect from of the senators the other day." He paused, clearing whatever thoughts he had that were misconstrued from the information that he had overheard. "So what are you going to do now?"

"I'm still looking for an apprenticeship, and a way to get Fenris back."

"You sure you want to do this then?"

"Which?"

"Both."

"I do."

A door closing drew their attention to Orana and the small child that clung to her skirt, skiddish of Lorelai's presence. Iudicius waved them over with a heartwarming smile. The boy looked at Orana for the answer as to what he should do. She patted him on the head lovingly and led him over to his father. Iudicius plopped the child on his lap, wrapping his arms around him. The boy glanced at Lorelai nervously and buried his face in the magister's chest.

"You can say hello to Lorelai, son," Iudicius indicated with a gently squeeze. Lorelai couldn't take her eyes off the boy. Midnight black hair and piercingly dark eyes peeked out from a sliver of cloth, still attached to his father's robe. Lorelai smiled and childishly waved. The boy didn't bother returning the gesture, just burrowed deeper into the magister's torso. "I'm sorry," he apologized before rubbing his fingers through the child's hair.

"It's not a problem at all," Lorelai remarked, not phased by the child's stare.

"Litatus, she won't hurt you." The boy looked at Iudicius accusingly and argued in arcanum to him. The boy was clearly distressed by Lorelai's sheer existence. The exchange between father and son drove on for several minutes, all the while Lorelai watched them, wondering if that is what her life would have been if she had kept her own child with her.

"I'm sorry, Master," Orana blurted weakly. "I will take him upstairs while you and Mistress Hawke discuss things."

Iudicius nodded and told the boy in arcanum to follow Orana out. He led him by the hand to Orana and patted his back. The magister sat back down with a heavy sigh and shook his head in amusement.

"He's a good kid."

"I have no doubt."

"He hasn't been the same since his mother died a little while back."

"Going through that can be traumatic."

The magister cleared his throat and stood again, holding his hand out to Lorelai. She accepted a small smile on her face as they walked onto a small veranda overlooking a lavish courtyard. The day's light had finally faded away, giving away to the blackened night held together by pinpoints of illumination. The sweet smells of Minrathous were exotic and exquisite, regardless of the fact that it hid so many dirty dealings and horrible secrets.

Lorelai leaned against the railing; her hands gripped it tightly and watched as the moon broke the horizon over the sea. It was entrancing in all its still hidden mysticism. The magister took a sip of wine and placed the pewter goblet on the railing between them. He leaned up against it, his back to the outside world and gleaned what information he could from her face.

"You really want to get him back, don't you?" he asked, folding his arms across his chest. The gentle jingle of his medallion hitting his buttons played like music in Lorelai's ears.

"I do," she answered, never taking her eyes off the moon until it had floated completely up into the sky above.

"If you are going to do it, then you are going to need help."

"What do you suggest then?" She looked at Iudicius, her eye brow crooked in curiosity.

"We team up."

Lorelai pivoted on her heels and glared at the magister. "Why would you want to help me? He's your friend."

"There's a lot of things you don't know yet, Mistress Hawke," he started, taking a step towards her. "I have a problem that needs to be remedied and you want what should be rightfully yours. Don't you agree that a partnership would be the best to both of our advantages?"

"Fenris deserves to be free to make his own choices," she snapped, taking a step back.

"He should." The magister took another step and grabbed his wine glass from off the ledge. He took a sip of it and handed it to Lorelai. She shook her head. "You think I don't know what happened when you were last at Danarius' mansion?" Lorelai took another step back and felt the railing start to hit her hips. "The magister- and I use the term loosely- has no idea what he's gotten himself into."

"What do you mean?" Her hand felt the balustrade. Her fingers fumbled with the molding as she watched the magister gain more ground with each step he took.

"My wife was once one of his apprentices. She had been in his service for several years and when he got Fenris back, she couldn't hold back her reaction towards his treatment of his servants and slaves." The magister turned from her, flustered and irritated as the memories flooded back to him.

"What happened?" Lorelai placed her hand on his shoulder, urging him to continue. She felt his fingers trace hers lovingly as if to say he was sorry for the way he was acting out. He held them, gaining peace in her touch. He turned, still maintaining his grip on her middle finger.

"We really don't know what happened. The doctor's couldn't make a diagnosis as to what had caused her death. One minute she was there, the next just-gone."

"You think Danarius had a hand in this?"

"I do. He showed up the day of her funeral to express his condolences, but I'm pretty sure he came to rub it in my face that she was an example of someone who is not to cross him."

"He came to my house yesterday," Lorelai stated.

"I know." He took another sip of wine and handed her the glass again. "He likes to toy with people like that. If it wasn't him then it was Hadriana that loved to torment people."

"We've met."

"I heard that as well." He smirked, as Lorelai took the glass and looked at the black liquid held within. "And as for what you did, I say it wasn't enough. You should have gutted him right there."

"It wouldn't have fixed anything. He has friends in high places. My friends and I are in danger because of what both he and I have done to each other. And I promised myself that I wouldn't let my brother be dragged into another mage war."

"You are a good person Lorelai." He took a step back and fell to one knee. "We need each other in this and if going to this masquerade is the way to start off our plan, then so help me I will do it."

"You're sure about this?" she asked.

"I am. I want to know if he had a hand in my wife's death."

"Then there is no more to say then is there? If we can get Danarius out of the way in general, we'll both find the retribution we both desire." She placed the glass to her lips and sipped the fragrant wine sealing the pact that they had made.

"With you I know we won't fail at this. One way or another it'll all end up alright."

"I hope you're right."

"Gimme sometime to set things up with the senators and I will meet you first thing tomorrow morning to pick out a dress for you."

"You really don't need to do that," she grumbled.

"It's a gift, Lorelai," he snapped. "Nothing more, nothing less. Besides, when Danarius finally sees you, I want him to be completely and utterly jealous that I have you on my arm and not his."

"So I'm just a pawn in all of this?"

"No, not at all." He groaned in exasperation. "We will be seated at his table, Fenris will be there and if you can get him away from there, then you don't have to stay, but it'll give you a larger grasp of the situation when it comes to intrigue here in the Imperium."

"I think it might work."

"That's fair enough for me then."


	8. Chapter 8

Lorelai slept late, her mind wracked with thoughts of liquor induced incoherence. She hadn't drank all that much the previous night, but whether she was more tumultuous at the thought about seeing Fenris again or Danarius was one that was disastrous and she could only see one outcome to the event. Pessimistic at best about her newfound retaliation towards the magister seemed a fitting and yet tragic mindset to be in before anything actually happened.

Iudicius arrived with his small entourage. Holding his son's petite hand through the market, he dodged the various crowds, maintaining a small distance between the curb of the sidewalk and the actual street. They entered a small shop where incense burned heavily with its sandalwood aroma.

A thin woman behind the counter eyed the trio with a smile, awkwardly amused with lackluster joy. Her tired eyes sized up Lorelai before she could say anything.

"What are you looking for?" her Orlesian accented voice trickled. She rounded the counter, tape measure in hand and began circling the mage as if measuring her dimensions on sight.

"Something off the shoulder," the magister stated.

Lorelai looked at him with a playful glance and approved of the suggestion.

"Something festooned with ruffles," Lorelai chimed.

"You can't be serious," Iudicius scoffed.

The tailor lashed the tape around Lorelai's waist, cinching it tight against her small frame. It was a rapid motion that ended as quickly as it had started.

"No," she chuckled. "Something with a fitted bodice and a slight bell to the skirt." She looked down at the woman measuring the length of her legs.

"I think I have something in the back," the woman stated with a sigh. "I just recently got this for one of the magisters but they decided against it." She walked into a small storage room and after several minutes reappeared with a deep red dress. The sanguine dress flowed almost to specification for both Lorelai and the magister who was grinning with exuberance.

"That is beautiful," he said. He picked up the hem to examine the fine black lacing that trimmed it delicately. "Why don't you try it on?"

The two women disappeared behind a screen. The lack of privacy for Lorelai became a sticking point when she felt the woman took her clothes and set them on a shelf behind them.

In the front of the store, she heard Iudicius talking to the child fatherly.

"I want to go home, Papa," the child cried.

"Not just yet. We have one more store to go to."

Lorelai slipped the dress over her head. The itchy black tulle petticoat stuck to her stockings and puffed the soft fabric up sloppily. The seamstress laced her in and flattened the cloth at the back lovingly. Lorelai looked behind her and saw the slight train that swept the floor.

"It fits you well, Mistress," the woman smiled. She walked away again and returned with a pair of black slippers. The moistened leather slid comfortably onto her feet, like they were made for her. "You may show your husband if you wish."

Lorelai's mouth gaped at the implication. She stuck her head from behind the screen and saw the same look on the magister's face.

"He's not her husband," the boy snapped. "She's mean."

The seamstress glanced at Lorelai, who by her very nature remained silent. Iudicius ignored the rude comment and waved her from hiding. Complying with the magister's wishes, Lorelai stepped out from cover and stood in the center of the room. He beamed at her radiance and bowed at her presence.

"You look beautiful."

"Thank you."

"How much is it?" he asked the woman.

"For the slippers and dress… fifty sovereigns."

Lorelai frowned and was about to protest the purchase, when Anders and Isabela walked in the store.

"Oh, Hawke," murmured Isabella. "That is beautiful." She approached tracing the fabric to her back. Lorelai stayed with her until she felt a firm smack to her ass, causing her to jump. "You better have a dagger on you at all times," the pirate warned.

Lorelai studied the busty woman for hints of jest- but was met with cold dark eyes.

Isabela circled her way back to Anders, sizing her up with a hungry smile.

Anders watched the fidgeting child in front of him make uneasy eyes at him. His eyebrow crooked, uncertain by the likeness of Lorelai. He thought his eyes were playing tricks on him. He had to be wrong. Coincidence? It had to be. She addressed Anders with a nod and they both left the shop without another word.

"What was that all about?" Iudicius asked.

Lorelai shrugged. "I'll find out when I get back, I guess." Her attention turned to the sound of a hefty coin purse hitting the counter. "You don't have to pay for it. It's too expensive."

"Nonsense," he remarked. "Have it sent to the Mistress' estate by five this evening."

* * *

><p>Lorelai sat in the study watching Isabela fumble with a locked chest she had absconded earlier in the day. The ticking sound that the lock pick made in the tumbler was grating her nerves.<p>

The bandit gasped when a pin locked in place making her work more fervently at her treasure.

"What did you mean by 'I should be wearing a dagger with me at all times'?"

"I just thought I would give you a piece of advice, that's all," Isabela said, not diverting her eyes from the keyhole.

"You don't just give advice that flippantly. What's up?" Lorelai leaned forward in the chair and peered over the tanned woman's shoulder at her work. Isabela's hands were fumbling, but accomplishing nothing. "You can tell me, Isabela."

"It's not like I don't want to tell you."

"What do you mean?" Lorelai eyed the back of her friend's head. "Maker, spit it out!"

"You need to watch Anders," she blurted out in a rapid stream.

Lorelai sat silently at the admission that had fallen into her lap unexpectedly. "What about Anders?"

"He's not acting himself."

"So I should wear a dagger because of it?"

Isabela stood and faced the mage. "There will come a time when you have to decide on what side of the line he is on. The thing with that broody elf was just a single matter. We are still dealing with an abomination with identity issues."

"And?"

"Maker, you can't be that dense."

Lorelai shot up out of the chair at the insult. "I'm not a damn mind reader, Isabela."

"You're right," she agreed, backing down from the confrontation. "Just keep in mind what I said."

She left Lorelai alone, standing in the center of the room, eyes to the floor in thought. She always knew that Anders was trouble. What with the blatant lying and underhanded nature that was his way now. Skulking off at all hours of the night, just to return later with not a word to anyone. He was only that withdrawn really just before…

Lorelai stormed out of the house, not knowing where she was going or what she was looking for. She had to get away. Had to think about what Isabela said, her warning ringing true. Why hadn't she seen it? She felt broadsided by it again. For someone who flippantly threw out the fact they loved someone doesn't give them due credence to stab them in the back because it's something that needed to be done.

She rounded a corner and headed in the direction of the park that she had become so accustomed to frequently when her head spun with thoughts of doubt and self-loathing. There was a peace there, a thoughtful spot where the reality that she lived in drifted away and things actually were alright. It was just the ideal place to let time pass by and let her head clear of the maelstrom of uninformative insight she had floating around in her skull.

* * *

><p>"Isn't it wonderful?" Merrill gushed, as she watched Lorelai finish dressing. She opened the small box on the bed and exposed an exquisitely designed porcelain half-mask. "Oh, Hawke, you look so pretty!"<p>

Lorelai smiled at the compliment and resumed fixing her hair. The gentle ringlets that framed her face fell gracefully at her shoulders. She swept her hair up and pinned it in place- forcing small flowers into her locks as an accent. It was mainly Iudicius' idea, given that it was a Satanalia celebration.

The elven lass hopped off the bed and placed a small sealed container on the vanity.

"What's this?"

"Something I've been working on."

"You don't have to do that, Merrill."

"No, I insist." She opened the pot and exposed a fine white powder within. It shimmered in the candle light giving a hint of blue glow. She pulled the fluffy feather out of the cap and dabbed it into the powder. "Just place it anywhere."

"What's it do?"

"Just accentuates."

She relaxed slightly and accepted it as she patted the talc onto her shoulders, chest and across her neck. She watched as it sparkled when she moved and realized Merrill was right, it _was_ something that would draw people's attention to her.

She finished applying her make-up just in time to hear the weighty knock at the door. Merrill sprang into action to get it, but stopped when Lorelai shook her head and made her way for the door. She grabbed her cloak and clutched it tightly to her chest.

She listened to the hushed whispers from the other room as she passed. She paused to listen, but when the pounding came again, she continued, not making out what the topic of conversation was about. She opened the door; the magister stood there donning his finest threads and already wearing his mask.

"Mistress Hawke."

"Messere."

"Are you ready?"

* * *

><p>They heard the symphonic music floating on the air long before they arrived. Streams of people stood outside the entrance to the grand hall where the event was taking place. Lorelai slid the half mask on, ebony black with small crystals skirting the rim with loving detail. She felt like a princess- hell she looked like one, according to the passers-by that watched as her handsome magister led her through the doors.<p>

People whispered and pointed in their direction. It was like a dream to her. They were the center of attention to all those who were already seated at their tables.

She explored the room for their table and when she noticed Danarius standing drawing her attention to him. She could already feel him, like he was in her head, beckoning for her to approach.

"Master Danarius, it is a pleasure to see you again," Iudicius stated. He pulled a chair out for Lorelai and sat down next to her.

"And you, as well." He looked over at Lorelai with a leer and sipped his wine. His eyes took their time on her. "Mistress Hawke."

"Danarius." She was expecting to see Fenris standing behind his master, manning his post as bodyguard. He was unfortunately absent from the event, but Varania sat beside her mentor, forking her food all too knowing of what Lorelai's intentions were.

Iudicius put his hand on her thigh and squeezed. He turned to her questioningly at the hard object his hand fell upon. Lorelai ignored it taking a sip of wine and listening to the music as the magisters discussed the daily goings on at the senate. It was frightfully boring to sit through. The music changed to a slower tempo, causing Danarius to stand and approach her.

"If you wouldn't mind, I would like to take your date for a dance." He held his hand out for her to take.

Everything in her head told her to resist the temptation to kill him, take the hand and beat him with it. Yet, she was compelled, willed to do it beyond her own powers of control. She took his hand and was led to the floor. Others were swirling to the waltz of strings. She was dizzy with an overpowering lack of control.

"How are you this evening, Lorelai?"

Her head swiveled up to his, locking eyes on the magister. "I don't know."

"You are looking ravishing this evening." He pulled her closer to him and led her around into the throng of bodies. The heat of all the bodies was staggering and overwhelming for her senses. "I hope you like the dress. I had it specially made for you."

"You."

"Yes, me."

Lorelai pushed off of him. She stormed off and grabbed Varania by the hand, dragging her from the table. "

You. With me. Now." She pointed to Iudicius, beckoning him to follow along as well. They walked down a corridor and stood. The music still wafted in the din of chatter and laughing. "Where's your brother?" Her eyes narrowed on the elf. She stood, shocked by the aggressive tone in her voice. Lorelai couldn't take it anymore. She shoved her up against the wall while Iudicius watched to see if anyone was coming. "Again: where is he?"

"He's still at the mansion," she stammered under the pressure of Lorelai's weight. "Lorelai, please."

"Where?"

"Danarius' chamber."

Lorelai shot a look at the magister and nodded her demand for him to leave. Iudicius acquiesced to the brash request and returned to the dance.

"Does Danarius know?"

"Know what?"

"Everything."

"Mistress Hawke, I don't know what you are talking about."

"You do," she hissed. "Don't give me that innocent of anything and everything."

"Lorelai, if you want to get him, then go get him."

"You know I can't do that."

"There's nothing stopping you from doing it. Danarius is here."

"Why should I trust you? You so very freely gave away the information."

"Because, if you don't take him soon, he'll probably kill him."

Lorelai straightened, her arm dropping to her side. "What do you mean?"

"Danarius is worried that what he did to him wasn't working and he's becoming a liability to him." Lorelai took a step back.

"Do you mean when he attacked him?"

"Yes. Whatever link you have to him, in Danarius' mind, is stronger than anything he could cover up."

"Go."

"Lorelai?"

"Just go." Varania hurried back to the revelry, leaving Loreali screaming on the inside.

Iudicius approached, watching as she pulled her hair down and shook the flowers to the floor.

"I don't know what to do," she told him.

"What do you _want_ to do?"

"Everything in me tells me it's a trap, but it's Fenris and I have to try."

"What do you need from me?"

"Keep Danarius busy, I'm staging a break-in."

* * *

><p>Lorelai knocked on the magister's door. Her eyes narrowed on the grain waiting for an unsuspecting servant to open the door.<p>

With Isabela and Merrill by her side, she knew that she wasn't going alone. Even though her plan was a suicide mission and wasn't going to involve anyone else. She had met them while walking into the house. She told them to stay and still they followed asking her the whole way what her intentions were.

"This is going to be fun," Isabela smirked. "This is better than when we fooled Castillion."

"Quiet," Lorelai snapped.

She heard the scuffling footsteps approach the door. Lorelai gripped the belt of her armor, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

Listening to the lock turn on the door and the door turning ajar she kicked and sent the woman behind it to the floor. She grabbed the human by her red hair and dragged her to one of the chairs centered in the room.

"Where's Fenris?" She leaned into the woman, glaring with contempt. "I will warn you: my friend here has no problem killing you if you don't answer this question truthfully."

Isabela drew her blade and stuck it in her face.

"Mistress," the portly woman stuttered. "He's upstairs in the master's chambers."

"Isabela, come with me. Merrill, if she moves, kill her."

The woman was frightened and clung to arm of the chair. Her nails dug into the fabric when the elf leaned on her staff.

The two women marched up the stairs, Lorelai setting an unusually fast pace. They reached the door and turned the knob and it swung open easily. She stepped inside making sure that Isabela remained on watch.

She looked around the room and caught the sound of a chain rattling to her left. Lorelai slammed the door and saw Fenris standing there.

He was surprised to see her. He was bleeding from his arms and the rash of red welts that scattered across his torso glared. They were recent, fresh and open.

"What are you doing here, Mistress Hawke?"

She looked at the shackle around his ankle and yelled for Isabela. The piratess came in, eyes gleaming at the sight of the elf. "Can you get this off?"

"I don't know." She knelt down beside her, examining the lock and shaking her head. She pulled a lock pick from her pouch and began tapping the mechanisms within. She cussed up a storm and threw the pick aside and tried again.

Lorelai stood, her eyes meeting his. "I came to get you."

"Why?"

"Because you don't need to be here." She caressed his face tenderly. The chain rattled again followed by Isabela's "ah-ha". She jumped up and winked at Lorelai.

"I'll leave you two lovebirds alone." She left closing the door behind her.

He was standing there; she had him all to herself.

She threw her arms around him, paying special care not to damage him anymore. She felt his fingers run through her hair, letting it slide through his fingers. He tugged her hair gently drawing her attention to his face. He loosened his grip and kissed her, pinning her against the wall like she had been so many years before.

Their tongues danced, tasting the other and yearning for more. She pulled away; a burgeoning fire grew in her.

He led her to the bed and placed her gently down on his master's comforter. She fiddled with her belt, unclasping it and shimmying out of her clothes. He watched as she deftly stripped him and pulled her on top of him.

It was quick and simple; everything had fallen back into place as it should have. Everything was overpowered and driven and forceful. Their two bodies moving in conjunction with each other, pleasuring and desiring, were begging for more. Their soft groans floated into the room, echoing off the walls overshadowing the silence they had fought to maintain. She balled her fists into the blanket as he worked up into a frenzied pace.

She couldn't help it, she wanted it. All of it. Never to end. She stole him once. She could do it again. Sweat beaded on his brow, a grimace of pain and bliss as he released. She panted as the elf fell at her feet. She chuckled uncontrollably and sat up on the bed, pulling up her armor.

"Was that satisfactory, Mistress?"

"Lorelai."

"Mistress?"

"No._ Lorelai_."

"Lorelai?"

"That's my name." She smirked at his obliviousness. She stood up, holding her hand up for him to grab. He did it under his own power and dressed himself, before returning to his position by the door. "What are you doing?"

"This is where I am to stay."

"No." She pointed to the spot in front of her. "You are to be right here."

"Mistress?"

"Right here."

Fenris walked up to her and waited. Lorelai looked for cuirass of his armor and saw it lying on the armoire. She jumped and grabbed it, handing it to him rapidly. We don't have much time. We have to go."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can. You can do anything you want."

"I don't understand."

"I'm freeing you."

"But you want me to come with you?"

"Yes, but not as a slave, Fenris."

"Lorelai! We are out of time!" Isabela called from downstairs. The mage's eyes grew wide at the thought. She lunged for his hand and started to yank him towards the door. He wrenched his hand from hers and stood there glaring.

"Please Fenris," she pleaded.

"I can't."

"Why not?" she yelped.

"I'm trying to protect you. If I'm with you he'll hurt you."

"Don't you get it? He's going to kill you anyway for protecting me."

"Then that's something I'm going to accept."

"Damn it, Fenris!"

"Hawke!" Isabela screamed again.

"Go! I'll take care of him."

Lorelai opened the door. Isabela and Merrill were standing there waiting for her to join them. "Please, Fenris."

"I'm sorry, Mistress."

"I can't leave you like this."

"You must."

"I love you, Fenris. And I'm coming back for you."

"I'll be waiting for that day then." She started to close the door, but stopped when he felt his hand on hers. "Do not leave with tears, Lorelai. Do not weep for me. Promise me that."

"I promise," she sulked. His hand slid from hers, letting her close the door behind her.

She ran down the stairs and the trio of burglars made for the door. They skid to a stop when they saw Danarius, Iudicius and…

"Anders?" Lorelai gasped. "What are you doing here?"

The traitorous apostate was just as shocked. "I could ask you the same thing."

"I told you," Isabela jabbed.

"He just came for a few drinks with a friend," Danarius stated. He walked past Lorelai and shoved her to the floor. She fell to her knees and scowled. Isabela drew her blade and was met with a force push across the room. Merrill hit the magister in the back of the head and was met with the same response as Isabela.

"You son of a bitch," Lorelai snarled. She prepped herself for an attack but Anders stepped in between them.

"Stop, Lorelai," he said.

"This is where you've been going?" she shrieked. Groans from her friends caught her attention. They both rejoined her, staggering and gripping various parts in pain.

"It is."

"Why?" Her eyes flooded with tears in anguish. How could her friend betray this way? This was worse than the lie, worse than the destruction of the Chantry.

"Lorelai, we had our reasons," Iudicius stepped in.

"Fuck you," she grumbled. "But why, Anders? Why?"

"I don't need to explain anything to you."

"That's pretty typical of you these days," Isabela argued.

"Why didn't we see this coming?" Merrill asked.

"We did," Lorelai snapped. "We just didn't want to believe it."

"Come on Lorelai. You are giving me way too little credit."

"Asshole."

"Now, now, Hawke, we have an arrangement that is all," Danarius spoke.

"Fuck your arrangement." She spat at his feet and started for the door. Iudicius stepped in their way blocking their retreat. Lorelai shoved him to the door and forcefully snatched his dagger from his belt and held it to his ribs. "I expected this from Danarius. Hell, I even expected it from Anders- but you-." She shook her head dismayed at the treachery. "You don't want to be my enemy; I will fuck you like a demon never could." She let the blade fall to the floor and continued walking.

"What about your son?" Anders asked, venom running through his words.

"What's he talking about?" Isabela interrogated.

Lorelai hushed and turned around. "What about him?"

"Happy belated birthday, Lorelai." Anders sneered. "Do you still think about him?"

"I do. Every day," she answered. "He's gone and there's nothing I can do about it." She spun around on her heels to leave.

"Don't think about coming home, Anders," Merrill's timid voice warned.

"Don't." They heard Anders say. "Let them go."

Lorelai could feel her companions's eyes on her, questioning the woman and leader they had come to know. She was going to have to tell them, and tonight wasn't exactly the night she had planned to do it.


	9. Chapter 9

Lorelai stood hunched over the table, nails digging into the top. The air in the dining hall was tense. Carver was dumbstruck by his sister's confession. No one knew what to say, let alone Lorelai who had no idea where to go from there. Carver sprang from his chair, letting it topple to the floor as he stormed away.

"Carver," she muttered.

She flopped into the chair with a thud. She knew he had every right to be angry as did everyone else, but the one person who should have been absolutely furious wasn't there. She tried to explain, tried to take it slow, letting her words hit them like cobblestone bricks. It was a lot to take in and not an easy thing to digest after their botched break-in.

The discovery of Anders' betrayal came as little shock to everyone there. They figured already that he was up to something, but with little to no evidence to prove; it was still just speculation. For all they knew he had a lover some place, but apparently they were wrong. Iudicius' part to play was far more spectacular for them to comprehend.  
>The door opened up and shut quickly. Lorelai walked in that direction and met Varania in the front hallway.<p>

"What are you doing here?" she bellowed, charging a fireball to sear the woman's flesh to a crisp.

"Please, Lorelai. I didn't know," she yelped.

Isabela, Merrill and Varric stood behind Lorelai waiting for the cue to attack the woman.

"What do you want?" She placed her hands on her hips looking down at the red head. "Is this another message?"

"No, it's your friends'." She paced the floor pulling the ties to her cloak free.

Lorelai's arms fell to her side. "What about them?"

"They tried to free Leto," she told her. "Master Danarius caught them and… and…"

"What! What happened?" Lorelai placed her hands on the elf's shoulders trying to calm the frantic emotions that were slipping out of the small woman.

"You need to get over there." Varania pleaded.

"Where's Carver?" Lorelai asked the others over her shoulder.

"Probably in his room," Isabela answered. "I'll get him." She bolted off, banging on the door and not getting an answer. "He won't come out."

"Damn it," Lorelai muttered. "Varric, stay here and tell my brother what's transpired."

"Be careful, Hawke," Varric responded, tucking Bianca back for safe keeping.

They left; making quick strides towards the magister's mansion. When they arrived the scene was in complete chaos. Guards and Templars had already arrived keeping the general populous at bay. Lorelai approached and met resistance when a Templar put his hand into her chest, stopping her in her tracks.

"You can't go in," he told her with a shake of his head.

"Why the fuck not! I have friends in there," she snapped. The angry mage shoved the man out of the way and met with a hand on her shoulder pulling her back. Isabela raised a dagger and held it just below his chin.

"Now, love, you are going to let her enter and we aren't going to have a problem with it now are we?" She whispered harshly. The other guards took notice and drew their blades in retaliation.

"You have till the count of three to put down your weapon or I'll have them disarm you by force," he warned. Isabela didn't flinch and neither did Lorelai, who without a second thought swept the man's legs out from under him and placed her boot on his throat. She leaned over him as he struggled. She applied more pressure and he choked.

"I have no problem killing you; it wouldn't be the first time I have done that," she spoke, angered by the threats as the fight continued in the mansion. "Now, I have friends in there and I'm going to get them out." The man opened his mouth to protest. In response she added more pressure to his windpipe. "I might be some lowly mage, but I'm sure as shit able to crush your throat under my foot. You do understand that, right?" The man nodded, blinking his blood shot eyes. She nodded for the three women to enter the house and only released the soldier from under her boot when they were well inside. "Thank you."

She entered the house ready for a fight and sure as hell they walked into a maelstrom of broken furniture and blood. Lorelai pointed Isabela to the right and Merrill to the left. She planned on going straight through the middle, right into the eye of the storm. Iudicius flew through the air in her direction. She narrowly dodged the magister and continued marching on. She stood between the two mages, both stopping their intended attacks to see what she had expected to do.

"Stop it," she uttered; her voice dark and ominous as she eyed the two of them. "Anders, back down." She looked around the tattered room finding little to no trace of Fenris at all. "Where is he?" Anders' eyes pointed to the landing upstairs. "Go check your brother out," she ordered Varania without a look. Varania hurried up the stairs to the crumpled heap on the landing.

"Mistress Hawke," Danarius snorted. "What are you doing here?"

"It doesn't matter now, does it?" she questioned.

"I figured it was because you liked the pain," he hissed.

"Lorelai, you need to get out of here," Anders grumbled, rising to his feet; his voice shifting into the more sinister version of Justice.

"No, Anders. Not this time," she fired back. She advanced on the torn man, unable to withhold the pain and throbbing she felt in her skull. She put her hand on his chest, holding his advance. "This isn't your fight." The blue fires subsided and Anders stumbled back. Merrill caught him and started for the door. "Get them out of here," she warned her partners. "Varania," she called up to the elf. "Can he move?"

"I don't know," she answered.

"Hurry up, drag him if you have to," she yelled.

The throbbing in her head became intense and the thoughts that were once hers were replaced by the infernal whisperings of the man leering at her. She staggered toward him, a blank expression upon her face. Her boots scuffed the marble tiles, squeaking along with every step she took.

"That's a good girl," Danarius cooed. He held his arms out and accepted her into his embrace. "You are a hard woman to control, you know that?"

"Lorelai?" Isabela stammered. "What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing has gotten into her," the magister protested.

"Its mind control," Iudicius explained, wincing through his wounds. He held his side muttering to himself and then continued to watch. A gash across his head, bled heavily. Streams of red inky fluid dripped down his face to the floor.

"We have to stop him," Merrill shrieked. She readied a spell, but Anders smacked her hand down shaking his head at her.

"Don't! You'll hit her too," he insisted. "She's got to fight this herself."

"I could nail him," Isabela argued. She held the tip of her dagger ready to throw it.

"You can't," Anders snapped back.

Danarius looked down at Lorelai, spinning her to face her friends. He sternly placed his hand around her throat and held her close to him. She didn't resist him- just stared blankly not knowing what was going on. She heard groaning from her right and saw just out of the corner of her eye Varania leading Fenris down the stairs. He sheltered his arm that hung unnaturally to his chest.

"My dear Fenris, did you think you could just leave like that?" the magister growled. The elf looked at Lorelai in disbelief. A single tear fell from her eye as he stopped and examined the situation. Danarius swept Lorelai's chin into his palm and kissed her. It was long, hard and without feeling. A test of power to prove to everyone that the magister was now in control of the situation. When he finished he glared at the elf with spite and sneered. "You see, little wolf, even the powerful Champion of Kirkwall can't resist me."

A spark of vengeance rose inside of her. Her feelings of hate and remorse folding into an untamable beast that sprung from the core of her being. Lorelai snapped to and unleashed an aura of dark energy that flung the magister back against a nearby pillar. He slid to the ground, dazed and in shock. Her eyes shined an unnatural shade of silver. "I told you Danarius." She stalked him, her body relaxed ready to strike like a wolf. "Never again." Her voice dropped an octave and reverberated in the eradicated domicile.

She listened to the shocked gasps of her companions as she loomed over him. The magister scooted across the floor in an attempt to flee. She picked him up and tossed him across the room narrowly missing the elven siblings.

"Mistress, stop!" She heard Fenris yell. She wasn't in control anymore. She'd forfeited it. She was no different than what Fenris had blamed for so many misdeeds and feuding socialites of this damn city. He warned her to be careful; warned her that the terrible things that lurked in the dark and the Fade were nothing to mess with. She was no better than Orsino or Grace or Danarius and every fucking magister.

"No, Fenris, it has to end here," she glowered. Her eyes became wet with tears as she struggled with the demons within her. She had all this power at her fingertips to use against her enemies; a power that she didn't want to begin with and was now consuming her very soul with anger and hatred.

"Are you willing to kill him?" Fenris posed to her.

"Yes," she muttered.

She tossed the magister to the center of the room and circled him. Her comrades watched her eye him, sizing up the bleeding semi-conscious man.

"You're not a murderer," Fenris stated. "This isn't you."

"This is who I really am, Fenris. I'm nothing but a demon in human skin. I died a long time ago. Maker, why can't you remember? Why can't you remember?" Danarius looked up at her. His eyes grew wide as she readied a kick to his head. "You aren't supposed to be here. None of us are supposed to be here."

"Mistress?" Fenris questioned.

"No, Fenris." She sulked. "I've fought for you. Fought through my laments, my lies and deceit and this is what I've turned into."

Danarius awoke to Lorelai staring down at him. She cocked her head. The ghost white paleness faintly glowed in the candlelight. He laughed at the sight of her, grabbing his sides as if he was going to split in two. "You can't really think you can beat me do you?"

"Beat you?" She leaned closer to him, inches to his face. "No. But I have no problem kicking your ass now!"

"Maker's breath," Carver yelped. His heavy armor rattling as he started towards her. Anders stepped in front of him. "What happened? Sister, what's happened?"

"She's lost control," Anders tried to explain.

"We have to do something!" Carver argued.

"No! This fight isn't ours," Anders insisted. Carver withdrew his attempts at retrieval and watched his sister glare at the man skitter to standing.

Lorelai slit her wrist and splashed the heavy sanguine fluid across him, slamming him to the floor again. The magister choked and passed out after the third consecutive smack to the tile. Unbeknownst to her, Fenris had closed the gap between them, twirling her around to face him. His armored fingers placed on the sides of her face.

"It's alright, Mistress," he whispered to her. His thumbs wiped away red tears, nicking her supple cheeks causing them to bleed. "It's alright." He pulled her close kissing her cheeks and moving to her lips. She melted and the harsh and demonic exterior faded away.

"It's not alright," she whispered. "I can't let you keep doing this."

"Shhh," his soothing voice breathed. His forehead touched hers. He shuddered and closed his eyes. "You can't fight for me, Mistress. I've already done enough harm to you." He looked her in the eye, sadness and elation intertwined as he peered into her soul.

"No, Fenris, I've done worse," she murmured.

"We don't have time to argue about this. Danarius is going to get up. You need to go," the elf urged. "I can't live knowing he's hurt you again." He picked her wounded arm up running his fingers along the deep gash that ran its fluids into her hand. "Don't do this to yourself anymore. You don't need blood magic."

Lorelai accepted his request. With her acclamation he hugged her. "I don't want to let you go."

"You have to." Within seconds he pushed her to the floor right in front of her friends. She hit the ground with a thud, in a daze and dripping with sweat and blood. "Get her out of here," Fenris ordered.

"No," Lorelai stammered. Carver obliged picking his sister up and hefting her over his shoulder. "No! Put me down!" she screamed. "No! No! No!" She flailed as he started to walk away. "Fenris, don't!" She sobbed, choking on tears, her throat burning under the strain. "He's going to kill him! Maker, Carver, please don't do this!" She kicked the air, landing a few blows into Carver's stomach. He continued moving while taking it in stride.

"I'm sorry, Mistress, I can't let you do this," Fenris sulked. He frowned; his eyes hidden by the swath of white bangs. "Anders, take care of Lorelai."

"Sister," he muttered. "Stop." Lorelai watched as the door shut sheltering the final glances of Fenris.

"Please, Carver, don't let him do this! He can't do it alone!" Her body grew limp, her brother's hand on her back. "I beg of you, Carver, let me save him!"

"Lorelai, hush. There's nothing we can do now," Carver's hoarse voice croaked.

He withheld his emotions, though with minimal results. He'd never seen her like this: a strong powerful woman reduced to nothing but a shadow. Completely decimated and withdrawn from the things that held her sane. They walked past the crowd of onlookers and made their way back home. Lorelai was erratic; filled with bursting emotions of hatred and despair that gushed from the self-inflicted wounds on her wrist.

She watched it drip to the pavement, spattering the shimmering white and tainting it with blackened droplets in the moonlight. She couldn't cry anymore. Her body ached with each breath she took. Her friends' heads hung low, distraught with the impending demise of their friend. Even Anders was saddened as he limped with the magister. There were no words, none that could fix the problems that were incurred in that place. How much more could she lose there? She'd lost everything. There was nothing left to gain from here but more torture and ill feelings.


	10. Chapter 10

Six months had passed since she'd last seen Fenris. Reports were scant from the senate that Danarius and two unknown persons were last seen fleeing Minrathous. Whereabouts after that were unknown. She promised herself that she would find her love. The hours she sat studying the dark arts to perfect the craft came at a hefty price. She had broken her promise to the elf as she spilled her blood across books and papers. It was a matter of control, according to Merrill and Iudicius who watched her in the dining hall one afternoon.

She kept trying, kept waiting. Wanting a response from any number of the missives she'd sent across the Free Marches. Carver had returned to the Keep not long after the storming of Danarius' mansion. His investigation had been halted and he was being reassigned to something else. She failed to sleep; unable to live without knowing what had befallen the elf.

"I won't forget him," she told herself in the park one day. She looked out over the lake with its mirrored reflection of trees and clouds. Her cloaked head drooped as she read her latest letter from Iudicius who had been locked in contention with some of Danarius' cohorts. They weren't telling him anything after they found out how he had aided in the attempted release of Fenris. This was to be their meeting place until further notice.

"I see you got my letter," the magister said. He sat beside the stoic woman who in turn crumpled up the note and tossed it to the ground.

"Have you found anything out?" she asked, staring out into the waters.

"Not here, Lorelai," he said in a harsh whisper. "Meet me at the Chantry tomorrow morning."

"The Chantry?" she questioned looking at Iudicius curiously. She didn't like the idea. She hadn't been in one since Anders' "separation" plan and she wasn't about to do it again for the sake of more bad news.

"You'll understand when you get there." The magister rose nodding at Anders who approached immediately after.

"How are you doing, Lorelai?" he asked. Lorelai stood and faced the mage.

"Six months," she uttered. Her shoulders slumped at the thought.

"I know," Anders said with a sigh. He lifted her chin to meet her eyes. They locked and that was the moment she noticed it. They were beautiful eyes, the eyes of a man who was willing to die for her. "That night was a disaster. We didn't want you to get involved and had we known that you planned to break in, we would have done something about it sooner."

"It's not your fault, Anders," she stated.

"It is my fault," he insisted. He fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around her waist. "How many nights have you laid awake at night, wondering when you'll see him again?"

"Many," she responded, running her fingers through his hair.

"You are strong Lorelai, you'll get him back," Anders remarked burying his head into her skirt. She felt his lips kiss her navel delicately and a cluster of butterflies flitted in her stomach. "I promised you I'd get him back, even if the price is my own blood."

"Don't talk like that, Anders," she hissed. "We'll find him. Together."

"You followed me through the Void, not knowing where it would take us. It's the least I can do to return the favor."

* * *

><p>The night closed in at her small mansion; she laid in bed watching shadows move across the walls each one painting a scene of the night she had with Fenris. The heat of his body only severed by the icy coldness of the lyrium; tingling her body with each caress that he had placed against her bare skin. The way he looked down at her, exploring the contours of her waist, the natural curve of her breasts that heaved faster the lower his hand sunk between her thighs.<p>

She was going crazy waiting for the moment to be with him and the power that he exuded from him with delicate fingers. She tried to protest, tried to squirm away not knowing what to do or what to think.

Another shadow replaced the previous one. The way he kissed her, looking into her eyes as he slid into her. The feeling was a rush of confusing chemicals and pain. She bit her lip and staved off the urge to cry out, not wanting her mother to hear the noises of the death of her eldest daughter's innocence. It was passion and carnal pleasure that made the realm of reality disappear. There was no one else, just him in her, in this tiny little bubble where time froze and all the problems that had been dealt with had subsided into what they both had wanted for such a long time.

She was struck by lightning with each movement he made; he was the first and she had vowed to herself that he would be the last. She muttered to him as he worked out that it was her first time and he came to a halt. He looked down between them and saw the small streaks of blood that had formed. He froze, terrified that he had done something wrong. She lifted a hand to him, caressing his cheek and pulling him towards her. She kissed him, letting her fingers stroke down his arms and feeling the muscles ripple and twitch the more he moved.

He grew fervent in his work, aiming for a goal that both were eager to experience. His motions were consuming, jagged, violent. They stared at each other, his green eyes focused intently as she arched her back, watching the various responses that her body gave freely.

That was ages ago- another life ago. Lorelai held the pillow tightly in front of her, staring into the fire as if to decipher reasoning for all the bad and evil things that had taken place in her life. The loss of her sister, her mother, all the things that had maintained her as a provider were now gone. She closed her eyes trying to replay the final moments she saw Fenris, the shutting of the door and the way his eyes apologized for not being able to continue on with her. They held that same sadness that he had when he walked out on her that night. She hadn't walked away from him, she was forced away. He made her leave. Andraste's ass he said her name- without hesitation! Made her not witness whatever befell him. He made the choice for her without a second thought. A true sacrifice in the confrontation with Danarius.

* * *

><p>The Chantry was dim, only small rays of light fell upon the floor. The Revered Father stood on the pulpit musing over the Chant of Light. It was different than she had remembered from Kirkwall and Lothering. The man approached her, sweeping his robes around.<p>

"Is there something the matter dear?" the older man asked.

"I've never heard that Chant of Light sung that way," Lorelai said.

"It's different than what you are used to, isn't it?" the man asked.

Lorelai nodded. She looked around and bowed her head. "Would you give me your benediction, your Grace?"

"Of course, my child," The priest muttered in Arcanum a prayer before placing his hand on her shoulder. She looked at him with a faint smile. "I hope you find the power you seek in these tough times."

"Thank you, your Grace."

The old man smiled and walked away to speak with one of the followers that had entered. She stayed for hours watching the candle wicks burn to stumps. The Revered Father had passed several times asking if everything was alright. She had been polite and cryptic in her answers. She sat on the steps listening to the Chant recited over and over again that she started to speak it verbatim as the chanter did.

"Where is he?" she asked, catching sight of the sun's full rays beaming through the window. She kicked her feet out, sighing about the lateness of the magister. She heard voices by the entrance; the Revered Father was talking to someone who pointed her out. The armored man approached and bowed in front of her.

Still she remained sitting, staring up at the man. He wore the armor of a Templar, but felt nothing intrinsically special about him.

"Mistress Hawke?" he asked.

"Aye," she remarked. She stood, dusting herself off. "And you are?"

"Captain Anwell, Mistress," he answered. He took his helm off and tucked it under his arm.

"What's this about, Captain?" she questioned.

"An urgent matter has arisen and you've been summoned," he said. "There's been an incident at Magister Iudicius' estate." She bolted for the door and met a small compliment of Templars on the steps. She skidded to a halt letting the captain catch up. "My men will escort you to his mansion. He's asked for you specifically by name."

"Are you sure? You can tell me," she asked. The group of knights led her to Iudicius' mansion at the far end of the district. A small crowd had formed at the gates. It reminded her of when they had assaulted Danarius' estate. Some of the same people were standing around, whispering and questioning as to what had happened. The templars and city guard had been hush about the event and parted when Lorelai stepped up to them with the Captain at her side.

"This is Mistress Hawke," he told them. They looked at each other and moved aside.

The scene was a disaster. Bloody hand prints smeared across the walls. Writing and archaic symbols covered the windows like graffiti the and oozed down to the fine Wainscoting underneath. It reeked of entrails and stomach contents. Foot prints went in multiple directions and three sets met at the door and exited.

"Where is he?" she asked. She placed her hand on her mouth in horror as he led her down the small corridor to the dining hall. The obvious drag mark led from the front entrance to the dining hall. She heard Iudicius talking, mumbling incoherently to someone. Captain Anwell swung open the double doors and Lorelai was taken back. Iudicius was cradling something.

"Oh, Maker." She ran up to the magister and knelt down beside him. "Iudicius, it's me. I'm here."

The magister looked at her, tears spilling down his cheeks. "L-Lorelai?"

"What happened here? Who is that?" She pointed to the bloody matted hair.

"It's, it's, Orana," he muttered. "I found her on the table. He's back Lorelai! He's back!"

"Iudicius, calm yourself," she ordered. "Where is your son?" He looked down at the dead woman in his arms and shook his head.

"My son?" he uttered.

"Yes, where is he?"

"I can't leave her like this," the magister insisted. "She can't stay like this. They bled her like a dog, tore her apart."

"I understand that, Magister, but we can't do anything for her now."

Iudicius wiped his eyes and stood, sullen and broken. "He should be in his room."

"Good," she stated, her heart breaking at his predicament. He was right, there wasn't much left of her. They were back truly back. The large hole in her chest proved to her that it was Fenris' handiwork. The torn flesh and splintering bones protruded through the perforation. The crystal and gold embossed bowl lay on the floor, filled to the brim with coagulating blood. It had reduced leaving a sticky gelatinous ring around the base. "Captain, come with me," she told the man speaking with one of his subordinates. Iudicius took them to the child's room. It was frightfully clean, untouched by stained hands.

"Litatus," he called. He stooped down to look under the bed. "No." He pulled pillows and bedding on to the floor, becoming frantic with each layer he peeled off. His eyes shot to Lorelai has he passed. "He's got to be in here." He stood in front of a large closet swinging both doors open. A picture fell off the wall tearing as it landed on a nearby chair. "Litatus, come out. It's Papa," he shuddered. He stepped in further calling for the child. He emerged from the racks his eyes as large as saucers. "He's not here."

"Is there any other place you can think of where he would go?" the captain asked. "He couldn't have gone far."

"No, the other doors were always to remain locked," he answered. His head hung low. "Lorelai, you have to find him."

"I will." Anwell started to leave the room. "Captain." He turned back to Lorelai. "I need a group of your soldiers to follow me to my estate."

"What for?"

"If Danarius is indeed back, then it's not just the magister that's in danger, it's my friends as well."

The Templar nodded and rounded up a couple of his guards. "They are at your disposal for as long as you need them." He looked at the magister, still in shock. "We'll find him, Magister."

"It may already be too late," Iudicius uttered.

"No, you can't think like that," Lorelai growled, clinging to the magister's shoulders. "You have to think positive about this. This is your son we're talking about."

"I don't know, Lorelai." He cocked his head at the mage. "Think about it. There is way more blood out there than Orana could have produced."

"I'm not giving up till I know what happened," Lorelai insisted. "Now come on, you can't stay here."

* * *

><p>Lorelai opened the door to the estate, swinging the door wide. The guard followed by a rattled Iudicius mumbling to himself as if talking to his lost child. It was quiet, dark and cool. Her eyes fell to the floor and saw boot prints leading into the hallway. Her heart jumped into her throat. "They've already been here," she told them. She started to run, but a guard gripped her wrist and pulled her back.<p>

"Are you sure you want to go in?" he asked. She glared at him, only seeing the slight glow of his eyes through his visor.

"I have to," she argued pulling away from him. The guard followed ordering the extra two to stay with the magister. Lorelai unlatched each door, looking inside. Desks were overturned, mattresses torn off their frames. "Where are they?" She walked down to the last door, her head falling on to the wood. "Please be okay," she muttered, pushing the door open. Anders' room was in shambles. Whatever they had been looking for, it was uncertain, but the small drops of blood led out of the room and stopped just outside the study.

She held her breath, easing away the dreaded thoughts that had erased any hope of finding a survivor. She turned the handle and took a step in. The sound of suction on the floor made her jump back out. The guard caught her and placed the shaken woman at his side. He examined the stain, running his fingers in it and smearing it with his thumb.

"It's blood," he told her.

"I figured that," she spat. "Whose?" She stepped around the fresh puddle and saw that the room was relatively untouched. She ran her fingers along the edge of her desk, spying an unusual note placed squarely in the middle of it. She picked up the sealed envelope, blood stained finger prints dotted the paper.

"Did you find something?"

"I did," she responded. She opened the letter, biting her lip as she read. "It says the obvious. They have the kid, if I want him back; I need to meet them alone."

"Where are you supposed to meet them?"

"I'm sorry, messere, but I think I can handle that part for myself," she stated. She folded the paper and shoved it into her pouch.

"You can't take that, its evidence."

"I can and I will," she retorted. "I have a lot at stake in this. If he wants me alone for this then that's how it's going to be." She tore past the guard, a fire burning in her eyes. She ignored the single thin line cut into the wood, skimming a stream of blood in its wake.

"Iudicius what are you doing here? Why are there guards? What's happened?" Anders yelped. Lorelai ran up to the mage and threw her arms around him.

"You're alright," she eked, finally letting the emotions get her. She held the tears back, lips trembling as she looked at her friend. "Where's everyone?"

"They are in the market," he answered. His eyes narrowed on the thin blood streak across her forehead. "What's going on?" He looked at the magister, who at this point couldn't maintain his gaze but for a few fleeting seconds.

"Litatus is missing. Orana is dead," Lorelai explained.

"Dead!" How?" His eyes scanned the room noting the trails of blood and obliterated furniture.

"Danarius," the magister muttered, his hands turning to fists. He shook violently his eyes black as night.

"He's back?" Anders took a step back. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she stated.

"We can't stay here," Anders insisted. "It's not safe."

"Don't you think I know that?" she blurted, heated by the revelation. Anders frowned at the aggressiveness of her response. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Anders said. He exhaled heavily and placed his hand on Lorelai's shoulder. "I'm going to get the others to tell them what's happened."

"I'll come with you," the guard finally chimed in.

* * *

><p>"Maker's breath, Hawke, what the hell have you gotten us in to?" Varric snorted. His playful tone muted as he stared at the woman with her head in her hands. Her eyes focused on the note upon the table in front of her, rereading it and feeling her insides knot with each word her eyes glanced over.<p>

"I don't know," she responded. Lorelai straightened. She folded her arms behind her head and examined the small room the pair was sitting in.

The ramshackle inn they had been placed in for protection had none of the esthetic appeal that one would have desired for the amount of money they had paid for it. Iudicius grumbled in his nightmarish sleep. He turned and fidgeted on the flat mattress, huddled in a ball and weeping. Lorelai crept over to him, hushing him. She patted his arm reassuringly and whispering short words of apologies and regrets.

"Do you plan on doing what he says?" Varric asked. He placed Bianca on the table and rubbed the fine wood with oil and a soft cloth.

"I don't have much choice, do I?" she stated with a sigh. She resumed her spot in the rickety chair, kicking her boots on to the table with a thud. "I'll think of something."

"What about Fenris? If he's involved-," Varric queried, stopping his maintenance to study her expression.

"Then I have to do what I have to do," Lorelai murmured. A knock came to the door, spinning her head around at the raucous.

"Mistress Hawke," Captain Anwell's muffled voice crept through the door.

"Enter," she acknowledged. Lorelai twisted her hair up and ran a needle sharp stiletto through her locks. The captain stood over her a frown across his face.

"I'm here to deliver a message," he said. He pulled a long scroll from his satchel and unwound it. "You are to see the Archon along with Magister Iudicius, now. My guard and I are to escort you immediately."

"The Archon, huh?" Varric chuckled. "You have something about you Hawke. Always catching the attention of those who are best not to be bothered with."

"I hear you on that," Lorelai chortled. "Alright, Captain." She rose from her seat and stirred the magister's slumber. He swore at her and flipped the other direction. "No, Iudicius we have a meeting to get to."

"A meeting? Are we finally going to kill that bastard?" he grumbled into the wall.

"Not exactly. The Archon wants to see us," she told him, folding her arms across her chest. "Now get up."

"The Archon? That_ is_ strange news." He jumped from the bed with an animated step in his walk. "Let's see what he has to do with any of this."

* * *

><p>They were led by torchlight to the Archon's palace. The waning sunlight exposed the degrading stone work with its chips and cracks that wired their way up the columns. Lorelai had never been this far up into the city, only going as high as the senate for reasons that seemed justified at the time. There was no point to be here and she wasn't invited. The palace was always under heavy guard by large men wielding weaponry sharper than she had seen in her life. The many statues that held large spears, eyes lifeless, appeared to watch her as she passed.<p>

She faced the city seeing the many eaves and peaks of houses and buildings. Each intricately placed structure wound around roads and alleys as they had in Kirkwall. Smoke plumes reached to the darkening sky from chimney stacks and if one was not to know a thing about this place, they wouldn't realize the evil things that percolated just under the crust of the façade laden capital. A cold hand closed around hers. She turned her head to see Iudicius looking down at her. His stress worn face smiled at the awe inspiring view.

"You wouldn't think that this place could hold so many diabolic undertones just looking at it," he said. He placed his hand on the small of her back and rubbed it gently as if he had picked this spot for them to feast on the serenity of the preternatural city.

"Magister, Mistress, we shouldn't doddle here," Anwell stated.

They continued on making it to the landing blockaded by gates. Lorelai's eyes drifted up towards the heavy doors, guarded by militiamen. They stood at attention, pulling the doors open. She felt them looking at her, watching her step past them. Her cloaked head barely showed her soft features to them. The captain handed the torch to one of the knights and proceeded to walk them along a silk spun runner that broke and reemerged further down. Tapestries lined the walls, depicting scenes of the history of Tevinter. Oil paintings, faded and dusty, hung with the faces of former Archons that led rebellions and watched the Imperium crumble away from its former glory.

Captain Anwell paused at a door, halting them with his hand. Two guards approached them. They frisked the pair, disarming Lorelai of the small dagger she carried on her hip. She didn't protest the action and was assured that it would be returned upon the completion of their meeting. The doors slid open to a large room. An ebony table stretched across the middle of the room, lined with intricately scrawled chairs. Fine glass chandeliers hung from the ceiling sending dazzling stars of illumination below.

"It's about time I finally met you, Mistress Hawke," the man at the far end stated on his thrown. Captain Anwell led them around stopping at the dais where the Archon sat. His head was heavy with the crowning jewelry that adorned his skull. Lorelai went to her knee and bowed.

"It is a great honor, messere," she said. Her eyes averted to the floor. Iudicius bent down at her and shook his head.

"We don't have time for such trivialities, Mistress Hawke," he remarked with a sigh. "You can stand."

She raised quickly, her arms at her back. "What is it that you wished to speak with us about?"

The Archon sized her up and stood. He treaded back and forth, his staff in his hand. "We seem to have fallen into a situation." He ambled down the stairs to Lorelai and looked her in the eye. "Your name has come up many times within the senate. Talk of your apprenticeship made it to my ears. The question is why." Lorelai went to answer, but he shooed her mouth shut. "That's not even what we are here to discuss. The two of you seem to have caught the attention of Magister Danarius, is that true?" Lorelai eyed the magister with the same look of unknowing as he was giving her. "You can answer that."

"It is your, Excellence," Iudicius stammered. "We have crossed paths with him quite a few times in the past year or so."

The Archon glared at Lorelai for a moment, rubbing his chin in thought. "He is a powerful enemy to be had." He tapped his fingers together unable to determine what thoughts were going through the female mage's mind. "We have had a total of six murders and one kidnapping all in relation to the return of Danarius and his cohorts. The guard is wearing thin of this situation, as am I." The Archon stood again, his eyes gleaming, handing his staff to a nearby steward. "You two seem to be in the center of this debacle." He rubbed his eyes in frustration. "He is tying up loose ends it appears, destroying the lives of many of my citizens and you two seem next of his list."

"Six?" Lorelai questioned when he paused. "We've only heard of Orana's death."

He scowled at the question and eyed Lorelai's contemptuousness. "Fellow magisters that seemed to have run in his circle. Captain Anwell tells me you received a letter from him. What did it say?"

"To meet him at a designated location for the exchange of the magister's son," Lorelai answered.

"When were you going to tell me about this?" Iudicius yelled. He seethed at the omission.

"I wasn't," Lorelai uttered.

"Do you think you can get Magister Iudicius' son back?" the archon questioned. "Do you trust what he says?"

"I don't, ser. But I don't have a choice in this," Lorelai murmured. Her voice waned. "Danarius is going to try and kill us regardless. I think the least I can do is get the magister's son back for him even- even if it costs me my life."

"I want you to put him in the ground," the Archon growled. "I will not have him running around and terrorizing this fine city with his pestilence."

"It is a message to me, your Grace. Nothing more." Lorelai insisted. "I will do this alone."

The Archon's eyebrow perked at her words. He waved his steward over and whispered something to him. The pair nodded. "You are excused. If I have any further news to give you I will see that it is properly delivered."

"Thank you, Excellency," Iudicius obliged. The pair bowed, taking their leave from the Archon's presence.

"Mistress Hawke!" the Archon called. Lorelai stopped, glancing over her shoulder. "Can you kill them? Are you willing to do this to save the life of this child and the lives of countless others?"

"I'd bet my life on it," Lorelai responded. She placed her hand on the door with a sigh. "I never wanted to be a magister; I just wanted to get one thing back. And if I fail to do either than I have no problem falling on your sword willingly."

"If you didn't want to be a magister, then what do you want?" The Archon pressed. His head cocked at her curiously.

"What I lost," she muttered. "If I have to track down Danarius through the Fade and the Void I will. My journey won't end until I bring his head back in a sack for you."

"Fair enough," the man leaned on his heels. He pointed to her and the steward hurried around the table with a parchment in his hand. "This writ gives you the ability to enact this court's authority in terms of execution upon him. Your jurisdiction: the empire. If he does flee for other territories you will be on your own and if caught will have to face the laws of those countries. Understand?"

"Completely," Lorelai acknowledged.

"You are working on behalf of me so that gives you certain entitlements. We can discuss those when you return."

"That's fine," Lorelai shrugged. "Thank you, your Grace."

Captain Anwell opened the doors for them, where she received her weapon back. She slid it onto her hip and began walking for the door. Iudicius followed behind her several paces back. Their footsteps echoed down the large hallway only muffling when they hit the long patches of carpet. She stood in the egress of the palace peering into the night sky.

"Lorelai, do you really think you can do it?" Iudicius enquired. "Do you really think you can stop him?"

Lorelai nodded and kept walking. She walked several feet, stopping only to let the magister catch up. "I will, Iudicius. I thought you trusted me."

"I do, Mistress Hawke," he stated. "I just wanted to wish you well with whatever you have planned next." His tone was different. She knew he was lying to her, but for what reason caused more concern for her than the actual lie.

"Mistress Hawke?" Captain Anwell interjected. "The guard and I have gone through your home and attempted any cleanup we can. We will be posting a small group of guards outside if that is at all a problem."

"No, no. Not a problem." Lorelai dipped her hand into her pouch, searching for the letter from Danarius. "Magister, if you'll excuse me, I have something I must attend to."

"You sure you really want to do this alone? This is my son we're talking about- I should be there," Iudicius argued.

"No, if you go, you run the risk of dying and he needs a father and hopefully a mother in the future," she stated without looking at him. "You have your whole life to live still and I- don't." Iudicius hugged her tightly resting his head at her back. "I'm just a knight-errant, I'm not a hero, or Champion, I'm just a person who under the circumstances shouldn't have gotten as far as they have."

"I've never heard you doubt yourself," the magister remarked. "You would have made an excellent mother, if you'd given yourself the chance."

He moved away from her, his slender frame becoming smaller and smaller as descended the stairs. Lorelai was touched by his words, but something was odd about the way he'd presented them to her.


	11. Chapter 11

Lorelai meandered through the streets headed for her fated destination. A strong wind blew in her face, coated in the scent of sea air and cherry blossoms. A fresh scent of rain and sporadic splash of mist fell on her head, sliding down her face. She cursed the Maker for putting her here? What grand design did He have in store for her? Street lamps flooded their sallow light on the buildings and streets, casting distorted shadows in doorways and windows. Lorelai's chainmail jingled through her boots, making any attempts at stealth pointless.

A bolt of lightning traced the skies overhead as she stepped foot on the grassy outskirts of the park she had come to rely on. The tree branches creaked in the increasing winds, warning her of some impending doom. Her hazel eyes shifted from across the field, to the far end of the turbulent pond that was spattered with numerous ripples of rain droplets breaking the surface. Lorelai felt watched, eyes that focused on her from afar. She held her head up, untying her cloak and letting it carry off into the winds. Infernal whispers spoke in her ears, uttering their hatred and disdain, orders that were sorely hard to ignore.

She saw the lamps that snaked along the dirt path that hugged the banks of the pond. One by one she put them out with a flick of her wrist unable to shake the sounds following her with every step she took. She walked in the darkness, letting her eyes adjust to the lack of illumination to guide her way. Dirt clods crunched underfoot as she made her way around the pond.

"_It doesn't seem we have much choice," she stated with a shake of her head. _

_The witch in front of her looked grimly down at her._

"_We never do," her raspy voice uttered._

Thunder rumbled its intent, rolling through the drenched skies. A heavy downpour fell on her, leaving her hair wet and dripping as if a bucket had been poured over her. On the other side of the pond she cut off the path and headed for the small wooded area that cupped the grass in evergreens. This is where they were to meet. The final showdown, the final time they would look upon each other and tear the Veil asunder to destroy the other.

"_Can you kill them?" the Archon's voice questioned._

"_I'd bet my life on it."_

"_If Fenris is involved-," Varric's voice rang._

"Then I have to do, what I have to do…," Lorelai muttered out loud. She pulled the stiletto from her hair and threw into the softened dirt by her feet. Footsteps swishing through grass grew closer. Their strides slow and fervent as they neared her.

"Mistress Hawke," Danarius said from behind her. "I didn't think you'd show up."

Lorelai chuckled, shaking her head, "Why wouldn't I?" She turned toward the magister, her gait small as she stood feet away. Fenris stood beside him, sword drawn at his side. Varania had a smirk on her face. She was pleased, actually smitten with the way things had turned out.

"You are alone I take it?" the magister snickered. "Couldn't get any of your friends to accompany you? Such a shame."

"Where's the boy?" Lorelai snapped. She placed her hands on hips, unfazed by the glares she was receiving.

"The boy is safe," Danarius answered. Fenris flinched when the magister placed his hand on his shoulder. "Dear Fenris has missed you, Lorelai."

"I'm sure," she grumbled. "The deal was that you'd have the boy."

"I lied."

"That's obvious," Lorelai snorted. She sighed, shaking some of the water from her hair. "I knew it was another set up, but how could I refuse."

"You really want to die alone?" Varania asked.

A twig snapped from the thicket behind her drawing their attention to the moving bodies within.

"She's not going to be alone in this," Anders remarked stepping through the shadows.

"Where's my son, you son of a bitch?" Iudicius barked.

Lorelai was stunned. Alone. The word was alone. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"You've done enough of this fighting alone to last a life time Lorelai," Anders muttered.

"The odds are even I see. Funny that it won't matter," Fenris grumbled.

"Easy, Fenris," the magister murmured. "My dear Iudicius, I will tell you like I told Lorelai: the child is safe."

"And we're supposed to believe that right?" Anders argued.

"Take it as you will. It matters not to me whether you do or don't." Danarius' eyes lit up with glee. "What matters right now is that I got you three here and I will cast you down like so many before you."

"OOO, he's getting all ominous and threatening," Lorelai sarcastically said. "I'm trembling in my boots."

"You will take note not to test me, woman," Fenris growled at her. His eyes narrowed on her chest, gauging the distance it would take to close the gap and impale her by any means necessary. Lorelai turned away from the elf a frown on her face. "Don't turn your back on me! Face me, mage!"

The blood in her veins ran ice cold. She heard the goading and taunting from her lover and each word uttered were stab wounds that went deeper and bled far worse than any cut that could have been inflicted. "Enough!" She faced him down a smile on her face. "Let's get this over with."

"My thoughts exactly," Danarius snorted. "We've held this out longer than necessary."

The elf lunged at her; weapon at the ready. Anders and Iudicius back peddled unleashing a torrent of spells in Danarius's direction. Lorelai stepped to the side with ease and flung Fenris to the ground. He hurried to his feet swinging the blade as he closed on her again.

"Fight me," he screamed.

"No," she muttered tossing him to the side again.

Varania cast a fireball in her direction sending her sprawling to the ground. She stood dusting herself off only to hear the heavy clank of steel on steel behind her. She turned around and saw Carver standing there, bracing the incoming attack.

"End this, Sister," he strained. Lorelai nodded, dashing in Danarius' direction. He was caught in a deadlock with Anders and Iudicius.

Varania stepped into view. Her eyes gleamed in the flickering lights from above. "I'm going to have fun with you, like I had with your friend." She looked over at the ground with a grin. Lorelai's eyes followed, seeing Isabela lying motionless in the grass just feet away. The twang of a bolt hitting its mark, made her stagger back. The spray of blood hit Lorelai's face. Varania looked down paralyzed by the protruding projectile.

Lorelai grinned and snapped it off in her shoulder, dropping the shaft to the ground. Varania yowled in agony and stumbled back. "So you're gaining power from helpless people just for today? Tsk, tsk." She shook her head and past her on her way to her target. She strolled over to Anders and nodded for him to take care of Isabela who had come to.

"Are you ready to face me now?" Danarius hissed. "Dealing with the peon has been a waste of perfectly good energy."

"Ready when you are," Lorelai said. Danarius made the first assault sending her reeling backwards. In a daze she regained her footing and countered while Merrill drew Varania's attention to her. Iudicius was wounded but kept fighting, asking about the whereabouts of his son, only getting insane laughter as his response. It infuriated the pair.

Lorelai didn't see what came next. She flew through the air, her back landing on a jagged rock inches from where she started. Carver and Fenris were still amidst their combat, locking swords only to have Carver kick the elf in the stomach and disarm him of his weapon. It flew off into the woods out of sight in the pitch black. Lorelai shook the haze off and saw Varania approaching her. She wasn't ready, the only thought that came to mind was to kill her, end it.

_Destroy her._

"I should have let him kill you," Varania stated. "You are no better than he is. What makes you think that you deserve to get Leto back after you betrayed him? You're better off dead than knowing what has been going on since we've been back." Lorelai shrugged on her knees. She muttered a quick incantation and locked the approaching elf in place. Varania shook violently; an unnatural glow leaking from the ground erupted from under her.

"Yeah, you probably should have," Lorelai said. "Watching and waiting, plotting this whole thing just so you, not Danarius, could exact your revenge." She rose up, her head falling to her chest. She felt herself slipping away again. The ravenous rage that had festered for so long radiated through her in waves of frenzy and chaos. "Speaking of which, how come he isn't coming to your aid? He's leaving you to fight me."

"And you think I should be worried about what you can do?" Varania laughed at her. "Lorelai, Danarius knows more than he lets on about you. If you kill either of us, you'll never know where the boy is."

"That's a risk I'm willing to take," Lorelai muttered. She clenched her hands in fists and flung her hands apart. "One way or another I'll find him."

"What about your son?" the elf queried. "You've wanted to know where he's been. Walking alone in the dark."

"My son is gone," she answered. Varania screamed as the mage ripped her in two and threw her remains in opposite directions. The sound of bones shattering and skin tearing ripped through the air in octaves and jagged points of gory hell. Organs and intestines fell to the slick grass a roar of approval raged on overhead. Lorelai stood over the horrific pile of entrails and stared. Her badly wounded back seethed with pain every time she took a breath.

"V-V-Varania?" Fenris questioned in shock at the destruction of his sister. "You killed her."

"I did," Lorelai agreed. Carver grabbed him around the waist picking him up. The elf flailed, trying to break free of his grip. He landed a kick to Carver's knee snapping it backwards. He toppled to the ground in agony, moaning through clenched teeth.

Fenris darted toward her. She gave chase knowing that in the end she wasn't going to outrun him.

"Lorelai!" Anders' called distracting her and changing Fenris' course.

"This is your fault," the elf bellowed. "You took her away!"

"Fenris, stop!" Lorelai pleaded. "He didn't do anything, keep him out of this."

"You sent me away, Lorelai, because of him. He did this; he manipulated the situation to get what he wanted. He got you in the end." Fenris grumbled. "He's going to pay for what you did to me."

He flared the brightest blue she'd ever seen. His tattoos grew a white hot. She had to stop this- had to keep Anders out of harm's way. He didn't do it; it was her choice, her price to pay. The dreams she'd had of a happy ending were slipping away with the passing seconds. They weren't enough to stave off the inevitable. Her prayers unanswered by the Maker were her final reassurance that were intoxicating and heart wrenching. Every word uttered in her ears was thoughts of memories long dead, cast down and overshadowed by what had happened. Fenris closed on the mage ready to strike. She took a deep breath. She looked to the blackened night and the few glimmers of fading starlight broke through the clouds. The rain still fell hard. She thought it would never pass, never be the end.

She took a step forward and blocked Fenris' charge. He was moving too fast to stop in time and collided into her. She felt the impact and penetration of his fist submerging into her abdomen. They both slammed into the ground, knocking Anders out of the way. An audible gasp fell on the field of battle. Danarius' voice rang through in hysterical laughter. There was no combat, no sound that mattered anymore. A hushed din of rain fell. Lorelai opened her eyes and looked down. The sharp tips of his gauntlet stuck out from her armor.

The hate and anger subsided, draining from her body. She shook, shock taking control, the urge to fight waning.

"Lorelai?" Fenris muttered. The mage put her head on his shoulder. She smiled at the fact her reoccurring nightmare had finally come true. The blue light faded and she shuttered when he moved. "Lorelai?" She watched as the blood finally seeped onto the silver sheen of his armor and streamed to the ground. It trickled mixing with the rain and ran around her body. "No, Lorelai."

"You remembered," she breathed, wincing. A faint smile crept across her face. She sniffled and frowned. "But I got you too." Fenris looked to the side and saw the blade of her dagger buried into his side. His eyes met hers. He watched the rain mix with her tears and he smiled at her. "I've done so many bad things and let so many people down. I lied to you; there are things I wish I could tell you. Things that I should have told you right from the start."

"Hush, save your strength," he cooed, sweeping away the fine strands of hair from her face. "You've got me back. You fought for me. Even when you knew you were going to die for it."

"You have a son," she blurted, shivering as the cold set in. The elf's eyes grew wide with her admission. She closed her eyes, becoming weary of the struggle to breathe.

"No, no, no, don't do that, Lorelai," Fenris insisted, shaking her. Her eyes parted slightly just enough to catch the sadness of the knowing take hold. "Then you need to fight." She chuckled, choking on the blood that trickled from the corners of her mouth.

"I did. My debt is repaid," she whispered. Her hand slipped from the blade to the soft grass below.

"There was no debt, Lorelai." He adjusted slowly and gasped. "I need to move my hand." She nodded, expending more energy than necessary. She felt the searing pain finally as he withdrew his hand. "Anders!" The mage was right there leaning over her. "You have to do something!" He pulled the bodkin from his side with a grunt and dropped it to the ground. His armored hand slick with her blood tinged the metal blade. He dislodged his hand from the gauntlet and cast it aside.

"I don't know if there is anything I can do," Anders stated with a frown. He wiped his nose with his arm and applied pressure to the wound.

"Don't worry about it," Lorelai pressed, growing weaker by the second. She relaxed her breathing become shallow. "It doesn't hurt so badly anymore." Their arguments become muffled buzzing. Everything in her began to shut down. "You need to find him," she murmured. "It's… not… safe."

* * *

><p><em>The skies were the bluest Lorelai had seen in a long time. They stretched on for eternity; not a cloud marring the ocean of cerulean overhead. The sun held high, casting beams onto the grassy fields below. Children laughed and taunted each other as they scampered around. Screams of delight drew closer as she walked along the dirt path that led to a gate. A large tree stood proudly near the farmstead. Lorelai stepped through the gate towards her familiar destination. A small girl sat in a swing hung from the heavy branch above. Lorelai watched as the girl swayed to and fro only to pause and see her.<em>

"_Who are you?" the girl asked. Lorelai strolled over to her and squatted down to her level. Her greaves dug into her calves, but she maintained her position all the same. "Are you alright?" The small lass touched the bloody wound in her side._

"_I'm fine," Lorelai answered. "I'm Lorelai, by the way."_

_The girl beamed, her hazel eyes lighting up at her words. "That's my name, too." She hopped off the swing and stood beside her. The girl giggled and looked at the way the mage had fashioned her hair. "You're so pretty."_

"_Thank you," Lorelai answered. _

"_Do you want to swing?" The child asked, clutching the rope firmly in her small hand._

"_Sure," Lorelai smirked, taking her place on the wooden slat. "I hope it holds me."_

"_Everything will be fine. My daddy made it for me," the girl chimed. She tugged at her braid that had become frayed from daily tugging and yanking. Lorelai had done the same thing when she was younger. She hated the blasted style. Her thick hair always made the two braids look like someone had attached anchoring ropes to the side of her head. "You remember how to, don't you?"_

"_It's easy enough," she said with a sigh. She pushed off. The swing gained height every time she pumped her legs. The mail of her armor swished back and forth. The girl's giggles faded away as she leaned back, looking to the sky above. Shattered sunlight broke the bows above casting oblong rays to the shaded ground below._

_She heard her name being called not far off, but ignored it to enjoy the rapture of the breeze in her hair. "Lorelai." The man approached with a smile. "There's my girl, are you ready to come in?"_

"_Nolo hoc finis," she muttered. Two strong hands grabbed the ropes breaking the natural glide. She looked up at the man with a stern look._

"_Who taught you that?" he questioned. He bent over her a firm grip on her chin. His eyes narrowed on hers, looking her over. "Who taught you that?"_

"_I learned it," she answered with a subtle lilt in her voice. "I've been all over the place in Thedas, it seems."_

_The older man smiled. "You have quite the imagination." Lorelai looked around for the girl from before. She had disappeared, vanished without a word or thought. The man stood holding his hand out to her. A small hand fell into his. He held it; a loving grasp that led her towards the small home. "Are you ready to begin your practice?"_

"_I am, Papa," her voice changing into a meek and timid creature._

"_Come on, Lora!" Bethany's voice cut through the air like a siren's call. Carver stood beside her, a scowl on his face. The same one she'd always remembered him having, even still to this day. Her hand waved frantically. The harsh angelic grin that only she catered for her sister shone brighter than the daylight._

_They spent the day weaving spells. Her father watched approvingly, only stepping in when Bethany had worded something incorrectly. Lorelai had remembered the time fondly from her youth. She felt her armored body, taking note that no one had noticed it at all. She felt her dagger on her side and pulled it out. Her father clutched her wrist in a death grip. She felt his eyes on her. Anger. She didn't have to see them, she knew in her heart that she had done wrong. He disarmed her, casting the blade aside._

"_Don't ever resort to that, Lorelai," he scolded her. "You know better than that." A hard smack landed on the back of her hand. Her eyes stung with tears for disappointing her father. He knelt down and embraced his child. Bethany watched the exchange from father to daughter. She was terrified by the whole event. "You can't do that. There's too much to risk for such an act." He wiped away the falling tears and sighed. "Promise me you won't do it, Lorelai."_

"_I can't, Papa. I've already done it," she uttered, sniffling at her statement._

"_Malcolm!" Mother's voice shrieked through the air._

"_Stay here," her father ordered the pair of mages. _

_Bethany clung to her arm. She quivered, her breath ragged with fear. Lorelai patted her younger sister's head reassuringly and stepped to the door left ajar. She was curious, what would have caused such an outburst from her mother?_

"_Don't go out there," Bethany pleaded. _

"_It's alright. I'm just going to see what's going on," Lorelai whispered, shaking her sister loose._

_The sun had grown a deep red as it set behind the hills. She hurried to the back of the cabin, sliding along the wall, only poking her head out to see if anyone was nearby. Carver ran up from behind her and shook his head. _

"_You shouldn't be out here," he insisted._

"_Who is Papa talking to?" she questioned, still moving slowly. She only heard two people talking, the voice of her father reaching pitches she'd never heard from before. The other was dark, guttural and angry. _

_Carver grabbed her hand. "Sister. Don't."_

"_It'll be alright," she cooed. "Go tend to Bethany. I'll be right back."_

"_You can't take her! She's done nothing wrong!" Her father yelled. Lorelai hurried turning the final corner and walking into a confrontation she wasn't expecting. The desire demon from her past was flanked by two Templars that were closing in on her father._

"_She has gone against her word. The contract is breached. I demand compensation," the busty demon snapped._

"_I haven't reneged on anything, demon," Lorelai grumbled. She approached her father; their eyes meeting on the same level._

"_Lorelai, you should be hiding," her father sulked._

"_No, Papa, this isn't your fight," she said. She looked at the demon, its black eyes fixated on her._

"_The child is lost," she growled._

"_If it is I didn't play a part in it," Lorelai stated. _

"_That is a shame," the demon hissed. She floated to her- feet levitating inches from the ground. "I still demand what is rightfully mine."_

"_Then take me." She glared at the creature whose breasts pressed into hers. _

"_Lorelai, don't," her father warned._

"_I shouldn't have made the deal for the child's life as is," she told her father. "It should have been me in the first place." Her eyes welled with tears._

"_Renegotiations are what you seek?" the demon questioned looking her over. Her arm fell on Lorelai's shoulder gently. She thought for a moment, the purple flames of her hair flashing wildly the more she pondered. "Consider it done." She slithered away with the Templars at her flank._

_Lorelai turned to her stunned parents and shook her head. The grass was yellow, the sky a rust red. Everything had died at the sealing of the pact. The fruitful tree that wants granted her respite from the beating of the sun became a distorted and ominous growth of bones and flesh. Gnarling arms reached for the sky. Her childhood swing: a body on rope that swayed in the ice cold breeze. It creaked violently as the body spun._

"_Maker, what have you done, girl," her father cried. He threw his arms around her. _

"_If you knew, Papa, what the cost was in the end, you wouldn't be so kind," she muttered. She shivered at the thought of all she had lost and pulled away from her father. She looked over the faces of her family. "You have no idea how much I've missed you all." She felt a tugging and the gentle stream of blood ebbing to a stop. "I have to go. I'm sorry."_


End file.
